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Posts by Jay Bizzel
Admin’s prologue …
As those who frequent this domain must surely know by now, I am not the only writer on this website. Sure, Buck’s World is my own little world, but I am not the only person here who is something other than a figment of my imagination. Unless you subscribe to the whole Fight Club idea, but anyhow …
Yeah, I’m the main writer on this site, but I am very fortunately have a bevvy of entertaining and talented “guest writers” whom I prefer to refer to as my “Stunt Bloggers.” Granted, the term originated with my buddy, “Nuthin”, as he was the first to join me under this new “dot net” banner (and as a nod to two of the greatest modern guitarists ever: Frank Zappa and his billet for Stunt Guitarist which was originally filled by the one and only Steve Vai … and yeah, I do think our friend Nuthin is a far more entertaining blogger than I am, but we’ll save that nonsense for another time)
Today’s tasty vowel movement is presented by my dear friend and fellow tuna fisherman, Jay Bizzle!
As you’ll quickly see, my play on words and veiled reference to potty humor was not unwarranted …
I hope you enjoy,
Jay Bizzle’s Disclaimer:
WARNING!!!! The following blog is TOTALLY GROSS!!!! Not like dead animals on the side of the road gross … or pics of open wounds gross. I’m talking stinky poop gross.
Okay, I warned you; now on with the show!
Jay Bizzel here with another attempt to get one little smile out of you; wish me luck.
I happened to be sitting on the John the other day and got to thinking, “Hey, where is the comedy here?
I mean, after all, I love a good giggle at any time so why not on the can?
Enough hardcore thinking about the state of the union, let’s have some fun!
I thought it would be a good idea to “look” at the artistic side of Poops!
For instance, everyone has heard of the “Hershey Squirts”, or the “Bite Sized Mounds”, right?
Well, I’ve come up with a few more poop art forms that I want you to try at home.
Now realize that some of the poops I’m about to explain are not easy to perform and definitely not for the timid, so don’t go jumping to the difficult ones without professional training.
But first, a little background info is in order:
The anus is an opening at the opposite end of an animal’s digestive tract from the mouth. Its function is to control the expulsion of feces, unwanted semi-solid matter produced during digestion, which, depending on the type of animal, may be one or more of: matter which the animal cannot digest, such as bones; food material after all the nutrients have been extracted, for example cellulose or lignin; ingested matter which would be toxic if it remained in the digestive tract; and dead or excess gut bacteria and other endosymbionts.
The anus is also known as the:
Poop Hole (was gonna put a pic of one here but that’s over the top)
Devil’s Onion Ring
READY????? Off we go!!!!!!
Attempt to form the following POOPS!
1. The Cobra:
All curled up and ready to strike. Extra credit if you get the hood to flare!
2. The Coffee Pot:
No!!! NOT butt coffee. The poops MUST look like wet coffee grounds.
3. The Caterpillar:
YES it must be fuzzy! Extra credit for color variations.
Now it gets tough. Please do not try this at home. I am a professional. Just ask Mz. Bizzel, she hates it when I yell “HEY HONEY, COME LOOK AT THIS ONE!!!”
4. The Dollar Bill:
Shaped like a pyramid (wait for it) with an eye at the top winking at you!
5. The Play Doh Fun Factory:
Can you do the different shapes? Extra credit if you can change shape mid-poop!
6. The Pole Vault:
Straight and ridged so much so it lifts you off the john and you teeter forward. Please don’t hit your head on the towel rack!
Come on guys, you know I won’t let ya down … …
7: The David Copperfield:
Okay to do this poop, make those layered biscuits, separate the layers, dip each layer into food coloring, each layer must have a different color. Stack the layers back and note the sequence of colors. Eat the biscuit. When done, rid yourself of said biscuit BUT have the colors reversed.
Not easy but oh soooooo cute!!
Looks like he’s really poopin here, huh?
8: The Rifle Bore:
It’s gotta have grooves the length of said poops and it must swirl the length of said poops. Extra credit if you can have it switch from clockwise to counter clockwise half way down said poops.
9: The Payday: (my fav)
To do this you MUST swallow those peanuts whole!!
It never ends so PLEASE-PLEASE-PLEASE send me your ideas in the comments section. I need to try some new ones. Just so I can yell, “HONEY, COME CHECK THIS ONE OUT!!!”
Boy is Mz Bizzel gonna love it!!!
As always remember — especially now — I can make my finger stink!
Your servant … Jay Bizzel
START Buck’s INTRO:
How’day, all …
We’re cool like that.
Ok, you’re back!
. . . drum roll please! . . .
Ladies and gentlemen …
Boys and girls …
Children of all ages!!!
Allow me to present to you my dear and personal friend:
Some of you know may him as “Jay Bizzle”; most of you probably have absolutely no idea who he is.
And that’s okay; we don’t expect you to remember everything. I mean, let’s face it … some of you are highly afflicted members of the “A.D.D. FOR LIF … oh wow, check out the kitty” club …
and some of you are just hopeless slackie pot-heads …
hell, some of you don’t even actually read these posts in their entirety. Like a mentally challenged child in the waiting room of the free clinic, you’re just interested in the pictures; and that’s ok!
But anyhow …
Jay Bizzle is a good friend of mine. He’s a charter member of the annual tuna expedition to the Outer Banks (my local friends and long time readers know to what I refer). A while back I invited him to consider becoming a contributor to this little corner we all share here in the deepest, darkest dredges of cybespace, and last night he actually took me up on my offer!
So, all riff-raff and ego-stroking aside … grab your favorite beverage of choice … kick off your shoes … take a load of them dogs and let’s enjoy a few meanderings from my good friend, Jay Bizzle!
//END Buck’s INTRO
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Reading is Fun’Demental
When the Miz Biz is not yelling at me, I love to read. And I love to read just about anything from cereal boxes to road signs. I’ve come across a few items I’d like to share with Buck and his world. All the voices in my head have had their “B” hits so they are clam and will allow me to share.
With out further adieu …
I want to blame snow cow for some reason. With all the snow we have had this season, I don’t think anybody in our area lost their car. However some of us did lose our spleen from to much time at the Spanks.While we’re talking of cars…
Shake your head ruefully please.
Reminds me of the movie M.A.S.H. when the jeep driver kept saying. “G D ARMY” and in the end pipes out “G D ARMY JEEP”
…Lets stick with the cars.
Item Three …
Now ya gotta laff at that … I mean, that’s just brilliant!!! Why was SHE working at Hooters? Personally I think her chest looks like two aspirins on an Ironing board.
Sorry Jodee, but you got PUNKED!!
Item Four …still kinda dealing with cars…
Some things you just can’t make up. Booze makes people do strange things, eh? If you haven’t done so, go back and read the whole article! In the end some kids were losing their minds in the court room. If I would have been there — even at my age, and I ain’t no spring chicken — I would have acted like a 12th grader too.
“A Stettler man tried to eat his underwear in the hope that the cotton fabric would absorb alcohol before he took a breathalyzer test, provincial court heard this week.
David Zurfluh was subsequently acquitted of a charge of impaired driving because he blew a .08, the legal limit.
But the testimony broke up people in Judge David MacNaughton?s provincial court here Thursday afternoon.
Mr. Zurfluh was collared by RCMP Const. Bill Robinson after he ran from his vehicle, which had been seen weaving down the highway.
While sitting in the back of the patrol car, Mr. Zurfluh tried to eat his shorts, Const. Robinson told the court.
Mr. Zurfluh said he ripped the crotch out of his shorts, stuffed the fabric in his mouth, then spit it out.
A class of law students from William E. Hay Composite High, in court as observers, was removed by the teacher when testimony enlivened the proceedings. The Grade 11 and 12 students had difficulty maintaining composure.
“People were leaving the courtroom with tears in their eyes, trying not to laugh,” said RCMP Const. Peter McFarlane.”
reprinted from an article by D’Arcy Rickard, “The Red Deer Advocate”, Red Deer, Alberta, Canada:
Item Five …Away from the cars, finally..
What, did Homer fake his death? Or was HendelBergenHeinzel spelled wrong?
…lets move on …
Item Six …
A BIG burrito!!!! HONEY GET MY GLASSES!!!!! I THINK I SMELL SOMETHING!!!!!
Unbelievable, isn’t it?
Item Se7en …don’t worry, we’re coming to a close …
Reminds me of the term “colder than a witches tit in a brass bra”.
Metal suspension and holders?? Are they sagging THAT bad??
Lock with keys …
BUCK git ur hands off Miz Biz’s BOOBS!!!!
I hope you have enjoyed. Feel free to buy me as much beer as you want and I’ll stalk you forever.
Stinky finger and all.
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That’s it, sports fans! You made it this far, so don’t be a dick and forget to leave a comment. The form is right below … your email address is used only to connect you to your GRAVATAR: it is NEVER displayed, made available to anyone else, and I can promise you, it will never be used for any form of marketing, etc. It is kept in complete confidence. If you think I’m bullshitting you, then why aren’t there any pop-ups or ads ANYWHERE on this site?
Cuz that’s how we roll. This website is for entertainment purposes only!
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