No, not GHOST writers … these are blog posts submitted by member-citizens of the Wonderful World of Buck! All contributions are welcomed (although there’s no guarantee they’ll be published) and, in some cases, very well may lead to an invitation to become a full fledged contributing blogger! Got some funny or some LULZ to share? Don’t be a bogart, pass it on down!
No, not GHOST writers … these are blog posts submitted by member-citizens of the Wonderful World of Buck! All contributions are welcomed (although there’s no guarantee they’ll be published) and, in some cases, very well may lead to an invitation to become a full fledged contributing blogger!
Got some funny or some LULZ to share? Don’t be a bogart, pass it on down!
Any sense? Are you kidding me? Of course I sense! In fact, here’s my two …
Though my experience seemingly limited, and my opinions perhaps deemed irrelevant; I, Buck’s Evil Underling, hereby humbly accept the gracious invitation to try-out for one of the coveted positions as a resident”stunt blogger.”
So get ready beeches, I’m OFF:
I suppose I should begin with a “formal” introduction of myself.
I’m “A”. At least that’s what my friends call me.
It’s better than being called the name mother nature (that slut) gave me: Anonymous.
Last name “Hoell.”
Yeah, yeah. You’re funny.
You think I’ve never gotten any shit about my name being A. Hoell?!
I was the bastard child of some random whore who left me at heaven’s gate. Sister Prudence apparently thought it prudent to allow me to maintain such a shitty name, I assume, because of her bitterness toward her own wretched title.
But then again Nuns aren’t ALL bad, I ‘spose…
A redeeming quality, indeed. BUT I digress…
Sorry, I get distracted ALOT.
But back to my name..
Come on … we’re talking about My NAME … and THIS blog …
God, can ya just look away for just a second???
And I mean. It wouldn’t have been so bad! A. Hoell.. Har har.
But when I somehow managed to keep “Anonymous” as my first name yet end up with “Sylvan Siberius” as DOUBLE middle names, I knew that lady muuust have wanted to fuck with me. (I think ma’ was screwing Father So-and-So and her jealousy thus caused her to hate me.)
Again all theories.
So I am Mr. A. … aka: A. Hoell … aka: A. S. S. Hoell (as my license says) … aka: Mr. Anonymous, what have you.
Just don’t call me “late for dinner”
See? If I start with that, ALL my shit’s gonna seem pure comedic genius in comparison! 😉
What else is there that you should know about me?
I’m a man.
A straight man.
A “gay” joke may slip here and there. I don’t judge, nor do I hate. I just don’t understand…
I’m sorry. But don’t tell me I don’t know what a gay man feels like, I just forced out a power-poop that was ENTIRELY larger than I had previously anticipated… I now know.
I am, as you will all soon discover, a man of many passions. Like Buck himself, I am full of political ramblings, philosophical ditherings, and an endless flow of good ‘ol, home-baked vowel movements.
I love sports!
I love basketball. Football. Whatever.
now that’s what I call a “soccer mom”!
Yes, sports give me that funny feeling in my tummy…
March Madness is in full swing…
My bracket’s already been raped up the a**, along with my chances at $500, but it’s fun to watch nonetheless!
But more on THAT later.
As I still consider myself a young man, it is an interesting time to look at politics and see what my future has to hold.
And as a child of youth, I have an interesting perspective on the direction this country is being thrusted into by our beloved leadership.
But don’t think me an irrational thinker. I’m merely a passionate expressionist.
I’ll make an extra effort not to be aesthetically pleasing you while screwing/ defacing you and your opinions in too rough a fashion..
But there is so much news to cover that it would take WAY too much of this blog, your attention spans, and my sanity to POSSIBLY go into it all, but there is just one but I thought was relevant…
I KNOW, I know. I’m too rough. I don’t give enough credit to all the “hard work” our elected officials put into their jobs..
I just don’t buy into the messiah complex of the “chosen one” we voted into office…
Shooting stars will soon fall to earth. And he’ll land as a lame duck.
November’s coming, as is a revolution of sorts.
As a forewarning, I am equally as passionate and opinionated as Buck, so be ready for it!
So there is an infinite more to know about me, but that will have to do for now..
I believe my invitation to try out for a position as a Buck’s World stunt blogging extraordinaire because of our common love of …
Anyways, not only does March bring us March madness, it also ushers in the first official day of spring, which brings me back to MY thoughts of the day … in fact, the first of my two “sense”:
Legs are back!!
In case any of you live significantly South of the Mason-Dixon, there is a God-forsaken part of the year (traditionally referred to as “winter”) in which all legs, side breasts, shoulders, backs, and general eye candy are packed away or covered like some camel-F***ing, burka-wearing society in the Middle-East.
It’s a truly tragic part of the year.
But, praise Jesus, they’ve returned!!
Ah, and what a welcome return it is!!
There’s nothing QUITE like walking along on the first nice day of the year and seeing a perfectly shaped thigh for the first time.. It’s, it’s… downright special. Like being a 12yr old horn dog again! No being sly or tactful about it; When you see your first hot, young pair of legs in a given year, the eyes will be glued to such legs for at least, but not limited to, 7.65 seconds.
Or else you’re gay.
And believe me, we know who you are, “Mr. I’m_Stuck_in_the_Closet_but_Don’t_want_to_make_my_Guy_Friends_Uncomfortable”
(I think that last pic was worth clicking on, if you haven’t done so already)
And my second cent…
Last Christmas, I was sitting in front of yet ANOTHER shitty ABC Family “Christmas” film. Pondering how they continued to make these, and how they continued to make any money or attain a viewing audience at ALL…
The video quality has stayed pretty much the same since 1988, the acting is atrocious –featuring nobody you’ve ever heard of… For a reason– and it seems that the true purpose is to give you a cheap thrill (in this case “Christmas charm”) then put you to sleep.
That’s when it struck me:
Not 24 hours before, I had turned on an “After-dark” Cinemax special. Much like… No, identical to the Christmas special I was watching; the images of the cheesy, barely definable porn crossed the television screen.
You know what I mean…
Everyone’s first experience with the true beauty of “Premium movie channels.”
It’s there I discovered the vast conspiracy: Porno directors and Christmas special makers are the same people.
The similarities are undeniable. The truth, now exposed. At the youngest of ages, the same pornographers not economically able to purchase new cameras or screenplay producers create a societal norm of shitty filmmaking through ABC Family’s and Hallmark’s “Christmas Specials.”
Well as a stunt man of blogging, I now find myself at the terminal end of my inaugural blog.
Leave comments and I’ll try my VERY best to answer and reply as honestly as I possibly can manage..
Ah yes, honesty is a tricky virtue sometimes, is it not?
Have a great day!
Live free, Die young, Come again! (And again and again, if you’re of the female persuasion)
And courageously, I shall hopefully go forth into a new career of Stunt Blogging!
Pees, Little Faux Curse!!
Admin’s prologue …
As those who frequent this domain must surely know by now, I am not the only writer on this website. Sure, Buck’s World is my own little world, but I am not the only person here who is something other than a figment of my imagination. Unless you subscribe to the whole Fight Club idea, but anyhow …
Yeah, I’m the main writer on this site, but I am very fortunately have a bevvy of entertaining and talented “guest writers” whom I prefer to refer to as my “Stunt Bloggers.” Granted, the term originated with my buddy, “Nuthin”, as he was the first to join me under this new “dot net” banner (and as a nod to two of the greatest modern guitarists ever: Frank Zappa and his billet for Stunt Guitarist which was originally filled by the one and only Steve Vai … and yeah, I do think our friend Nuthin is a far more entertaining blogger than I am, but we’ll save that nonsense for another time)
Today’s tasty vowel movement is presented by my dear friend and fellow tuna fisherman, Jay Bizzle!
As you’ll quickly see, my play on words and veiled reference to potty humor was not unwarranted …
I hope you enjoy,
Jay Bizzle’s Disclaimer:
WARNING!!!! The following blog is TOTALLY GROSS!!!! Not like dead animals on the side of the road gross … or pics of open wounds gross. I’m talking stinky poop gross.
Okay, I warned you; now on with the show!
Jay Bizzel here with another attempt to get one little smile out of you; wish me luck.
I happened to be sitting on the John the other day and got to thinking, “Hey, where is the comedy here?
I mean, after all, I love a good giggle at any time so why not on the can?
Enough hardcore thinking about the state of the union, let’s have some fun!
I thought it would be a good idea to “look” at the artistic side of Poops!
For instance, everyone has heard of the “Hershey Squirts”, or the “Bite Sized Mounds”, right?
Well, I’ve come up with a few more poop art forms that I want you to try at home.
Now realize that some of the poops I’m about to explain are not easy to perform and definitely not for the timid, so don’t go jumping to the difficult ones without professional training.
But first, a little background info is in order:
The anus is an opening at the opposite end of an animal’s digestive tract from the mouth. Its function is to control the expulsion of feces, unwanted semi-solid matter produced during digestion, which, depending on the type of animal, may be one or more of: matter which the animal cannot digest, such as bones; food material after all the nutrients have been extracted, for example cellulose or lignin; ingested matter which would be toxic if it remained in the digestive tract; and dead or excess gut bacteria and other endosymbionts.
The anus is also known as the:
Poop Hole (was gonna put a pic of one here but that’s over the top)
Devil’s Onion Ring
READY????? Off we go!!!!!!
Attempt to form the following POOPS!
1. The Cobra:
All curled up and ready to strike. Extra credit if you get the hood to flare!
2. The Coffee Pot:
No!!! NOT butt coffee. The poops MUST look like wet coffee grounds.
3. The Caterpillar:
YES it must be fuzzy! Extra credit for color variations.
Now it gets tough. Please do not try this at home. I am a professional. Just ask Mz. Bizzel, she hates it when I yell “HEY HONEY, COME LOOK AT THIS ONE!!!”
4. The Dollar Bill:
Shaped like a pyramid (wait for it) with an eye at the top winking at you!
5. The Play Doh Fun Factory:
Can you do the different shapes? Extra credit if you can change shape mid-poop!
6. The Pole Vault:
Straight and ridged so much so it lifts you off the john and you teeter forward. Please don’t hit your head on the towel rack!
Come on guys, you know I won’t let ya down … …
7: The David Copperfield:
Okay to do this poop, make those layered biscuits, separate the layers, dip each layer into food coloring, each layer must have a different color. Stack the layers back and note the sequence of colors. Eat the biscuit. When done, rid yourself of said biscuit BUT have the colors reversed.
Not easy but oh soooooo cute!!
Looks like he’s really poopin here, huh?
8: The Rifle Bore:
It’s gotta have grooves the length of said poops and it must swirl the length of said poops. Extra credit if you can have it switch from clockwise to counter clockwise half way down said poops.
9: The Payday: (my fav)
To do this you MUST swallow those peanuts whole!!
It never ends so PLEASE-PLEASE-PLEASE send me your ideas in the comments section. I need to try some new ones. Just so I can yell, “HONEY, COME CHECK THIS ONE OUT!!!”
Boy is Mz Bizzel gonna love it!!!
As always remember — especially now — I can make my finger stink!
Your servant … Jay Bizzel
Mornin’, sports fans!
… tis I, is your benevolent and goodly overlord.
How is everybody this fine day?
If you, like me, are in the mid-Atlantic … all I am going to say is “Wow!”
Okay, I honestly intended for “Wow!” to be all I was going to say, but WOW WOW WOW WOW WOW!!!! …
and I understand that the past week or more has been completely focused on these back–to-back blizzards, but this just insane! And no, these are not just large, heavy snowfall events. This is two back-to-back, bonifide blizzards!
The National Weather Service issued a bulletin about an hour ago telling people that they ARE to stay off of the roads. The city of Baltimore has initiated Phase III of their snow plan … only emergency vehicles are allowed on the roads. Period. Intense snow fall and winds of 40 miles per hour make for some rather hideous conditions.
My ex wife recently tossed a friendly jab my way, telling me to suck it up because they get this all the time up in Maine. While I will agree that these types of intense wintertime weather events are more common up there, I dare say that they are not quite accustomed to this!
I could be wrong …
but let’s just move along …
Before we do get about the business of moving along … the following was — and I am CRAPPIN’ YOU NEGATIVE … one of the paragraphs (verbatim) from the National Weather Service alert that was issued for our region at 11:34am:
“People are encouraged not to panic… but to simply stay inside… enjoy your favorite indoor activities… and ride this storm out… the hazardous conditions will be improving later this evening.”
You know what the means, don’t you?
Tis time to actually write instead just pumping out another one of those finished-in-fifteen-minutes picto-blogs!
But first, I would like to have a little chitchat with some of you about blog etiquette.
Or, not to put too fine a point on it: blog reading etiquette.
Before we get too deeply entrenched in that subject, though, I want to start off by saying THANK YOU!
If you have visited us more than once, I double that order of gratitude.
If you are amongst those who regularly visit this place, I am sincerely honored that you’ve been entertained enough to want to come back with any frequency.
Good stuff, I tell ya!
As you’ve probably noticed, I am not the only one who blogs here. At present, the regular writing staff is a tad Spartan, to say the very least.
Before the council of writers gets too large and the silly insecurities of the “what about me?” sort enter the picture …
I want to give some really huge props to our “stunt blogger”, Nuthin!
We are fortunate that such a gifted and entertainingly clever person has chosen to park some of his linguistic creations on this dark, humble, virtually uncharted little corner of “teh interwebs.”
I still don’t have actual profile pages for the site Authors and Admins (nor for the Council of Doom, but that will come in time)
So, where were we?
A big ol’ butt load of thanks to our readers!
Here, how about I make you a steak?
Okay, back to the subject of blog etiquette …
We, as “authors”, do what we do because we enjoy it.
Plain and simple.
It is fun to do this blogging stuff and I have to believe that I am laughing infinitely harder than most any of you are. I write stuff that is fun to come back and read later. Due to the completely spontaneous, “stream of consciousness” nature of the vast majority of my blogging, I hardly remember many of the details of what I’ve written, so this is really an entertaining process for me.
Sadly, it is painfully obvious – sometimes unbearably so – that I do not proof-read what I post, no less go through any sort of editorial process.
Something I like to refer to as …
But my point being, it’s when I come back days or weeks later that I’ll finally do proof reading (if any) and sometimes a little editorial work. Although, I must say that when it comes to my true projectile blogging posts, I really don’t like doing much in the way of editorializing my original process. I mean, hey … if it struck me as important enough to blurt it out, then it very well has a purpose — however miniscule — and is hopefully resolved by the end of the story.
And even that’s not intentional most of the time … which is what make projectile blogging so daggone fun. At least for me.
But anyhow … I guess you’ve probably noticed that I really like those “so last decade” smilies, huh?
Dude, they taste just like chicken!!!
I really need to contain my A.D.D.-like tendencies today, sorry …
. . .
On to matters of Blogging Etiquette …
(if you will)
As detailed on my “FOK!” page, the intent here is not to point the Finger of Authority at you and make you feel scolded. That would be patronizing, and nobody wants that!
Except you, so shut it!
My point being — and I understand the whole matter of feeling like a finger is being pointed makes that a poor choice of words — we really get a big charge out of interacting with our beloved audience. Especially those of you who choose to Register as member-residents of the Wonderful World of Buck!
he’s the parallel universe alter of Billy Mays, and he dies in that universe too …
You really don’t want Billy Haze storming in here like a cocaine-induced manic jackhammer and start pummeling you about the virtues of becoming a registered user on this site. Just feel free to register. It makes commenting and interacting more enjoyable … and it very well may be the start of a quest that results in you getting sucked into this whole cerebral black hole known as blog writing!
If you like to tell stories or make people laugh in a clever, well delivered manner, blogging really is worthy of your attention.
And when that day comes, you too will understand this whole aspect of interaction.
Even heckling and a throwing of the proverbial elbow of jest is warmly welcomed.
Without getting all geeky and checking on server logs, we really have absolutely no clue whether anyone has stopped by. Now … should you happen upon a blog post that’s really a train wreck of failure, then perhaps the silence that only a cricket could wish for would be in order.
The point is, have a heart, leave a comment if you make it all the way to the end of a blog.
Don’t make me break out the anal invading hyenas from hell …
(and, as it turns out, this species — Hyena Semper-sodomus — is actually a marsupial. So much for that whole idea that the marsupial is a calm, bashful and predominately harmless species. The Tazmanian Devil, for example …
About the only thing worse that the hyena semper-sodomus … even worse than the Tasmanian Devil — especially an angry she-devil, doubly so when mating season approaches — is an animal thought to be extinct for centuries now.
And it is no matter of coincidence that I am making mention of marsupials here …
the Snow Devil!
I know, I know … it bears a STRIKING resemblance to the Snow Possum.
That’s only fitting when ya think about it, though. I mean, dude … they’re both marsupials! Much in the same way that certain of the King snake species can bear a striking resemblance to teh Coral snake, the devil’s in the details.
But we’re getting a little bit off track here, aren’t we?
Our job as writers is to write … and due to the fact that there’s no binding obligation or moral imperative that we do so, it’s not a job whatsoever; but I’ve already covered the whole “we do it for the joy of blogging” nonsense.
We don’t get paid … I have absolutely zero aspirations of every hosting any click-thru ads to raise a little cash …
even if it is for a worthy cause … say, I dunno … alcohol research!
This is a purely casual endeavor done for the love of the LULZ …
We do it for our own ROR …
All we ask is that you quit being such a selfish, miserly, tightfisted, lurker and show our writers a little love, will ya?
Okay, let’s just pretend that you’re here for no other reason than morbid curiosity …
Unlike real life … where, if you happen to stumble across the police investigating a horrid, unthinkable crime scene … here, in BucksWorld, you’re actually EXPECTED to find a way to get into the background of whatever the forensic photographer is photographing and ham it up with a big grin or funny face.
SRSLY!(go ahead, click on the image … you should be familiar with the routine by now … Click to Enlarge! huhu … that’s what she said!!
Anyhow … even IF you’re here out of sheer morbid curiosity, you’re still expected to make your presence known.
Otherwise … it’s considered lurking …
and quite frankly …
… and it’s just downright creepy!
Okay, I think that about covers it for today, kiddies.
In case you somehow missed it … and this is the abbreviated version for those even lowlier souls: the folks that simply scroll through to see the pics.
STOP RIGHT THERE!
If you’re the type that just scrolls through for the pics, this is an important announcement for you:
Leave a comment!
And that, my friends, is one ballsy white boy!!!!!!… now scroll on down and leave a comment …
START Buck’s INTRO:
How’day, all …
We’re cool like that.
Ok, you’re back!
. . . drum roll please! . . .
Ladies and gentlemen …
Boys and girls …
Children of all ages!!!
Allow me to present to you my dear and personal friend:
Some of you know may him as “Jay Bizzle”; most of you probably have absolutely no idea who he is.
And that’s okay; we don’t expect you to remember everything. I mean, let’s face it … some of you are highly afflicted members of the “A.D.D. FOR LIF … oh wow, check out the kitty” club …
and some of you are just hopeless slackie pot-heads …
hell, some of you don’t even actually read these posts in their entirety. Like a mentally challenged child in the waiting room of the free clinic, you’re just interested in the pictures; and that’s ok!
But anyhow …
Jay Bizzle is a good friend of mine. He’s a charter member of the annual tuna expedition to the Outer Banks (my local friends and long time readers know to what I refer). A while back I invited him to consider becoming a contributor to this little corner we all share here in the deepest, darkest dredges of cybespace, and last night he actually took me up on my offer!
So, all riff-raff and ego-stroking aside … grab your favorite beverage of choice … kick off your shoes … take a load of them dogs and let’s enjoy a few meanderings from my good friend, Jay Bizzle!
//END Buck’s INTRO
* * * * * * * *
Reading is Fun’Demental
When the Miz Biz is not yelling at me, I love to read. And I love to read just about anything from cereal boxes to road signs. I’ve come across a few items I’d like to share with Buck and his world. All the voices in my head have had their “B” hits so they are clam and will allow me to share.
With out further adieu …
I want to blame snow cow for some reason. With all the snow we have had this season, I don’t think anybody in our area lost their car. However some of us did lose our spleen from to much time at the Spanks.While we’re talking of cars…
Shake your head ruefully please.
Reminds me of the movie M.A.S.H. when the jeep driver kept saying. “G D ARMY” and in the end pipes out “G D ARMY JEEP”
…Lets stick with the cars.
Item Three …
Now ya gotta laff at that … I mean, that’s just brilliant!!! Why was SHE working at Hooters? Personally I think her chest looks like two aspirins on an Ironing board.
Sorry Jodee, but you got PUNKED!!
Item Four …still kinda dealing with cars…
Some things you just can’t make up. Booze makes people do strange things, eh? If you haven’t done so, go back and read the whole article! In the end some kids were losing their minds in the court room. If I would have been there — even at my age, and I ain’t no spring chicken — I would have acted like a 12th grader too.
“A Stettler man tried to eat his underwear in the hope that the cotton fabric would absorb alcohol before he took a breathalyzer test, provincial court heard this week.
David Zurfluh was subsequently acquitted of a charge of impaired driving because he blew a .08, the legal limit.
But the testimony broke up people in Judge David MacNaughton?s provincial court here Thursday afternoon.
Mr. Zurfluh was collared by RCMP Const. Bill Robinson after he ran from his vehicle, which had been seen weaving down the highway.
While sitting in the back of the patrol car, Mr. Zurfluh tried to eat his shorts, Const. Robinson told the court.
Mr. Zurfluh said he ripped the crotch out of his shorts, stuffed the fabric in his mouth, then spit it out.
A class of law students from William E. Hay Composite High, in court as observers, was removed by the teacher when testimony enlivened the proceedings. The Grade 11 and 12 students had difficulty maintaining composure.
“People were leaving the courtroom with tears in their eyes, trying not to laugh,” said RCMP Const. Peter McFarlane.”
reprinted from an article by D’Arcy Rickard, “The Red Deer Advocate”, Red Deer, Alberta, Canada:
Item Five …Away from the cars, finally..
What, did Homer fake his death? Or was HendelBergenHeinzel spelled wrong?
…lets move on …
Item Six …
A BIG burrito!!!! HONEY GET MY GLASSES!!!!! I THINK I SMELL SOMETHING!!!!!
Unbelievable, isn’t it?
Item Se7en …don’t worry, we’re coming to a close …
Reminds me of the term “colder than a witches tit in a brass bra”.
Metal suspension and holders?? Are they sagging THAT bad??
Lock with keys …
BUCK git ur hands off Miz Biz’s BOOBS!!!!
I hope you have enjoyed. Feel free to buy me as much beer as you want and I’ll stalk you forever.
Stinky finger and all.
* * *
That’s it, sports fans! You made it this far, so don’t be a dick and forget to leave a comment. The form is right below … your email address is used only to connect you to your GRAVATAR: it is NEVER displayed, made available to anyone else, and I can promise you, it will never be used for any form of marketing, etc. It is kept in complete confidence. If you think I’m bullshitting you, then why aren’t there any pop-ups or ads ANYWHERE on this site?
Cuz that’s how we roll. This website is for entertainment purposes only!
If you don’t leave a comment …