Announcements / Site News
Mornin’, sports fans!
… tis I, is your benevolent and goodly overlord.
How is everybody this fine day?
If you, like me, are in the mid-Atlantic … all I am going to say is “Wow!”
Okay, I honestly intended for “Wow!” to be all I was going to say, but WOW WOW WOW WOW WOW!!!! …
and I understand that the past week or more has been completely focused on these back–to-back blizzards, but this just insane! And no, these are not just large, heavy snowfall events. This is two back-to-back, bonifide blizzards!
The National Weather Service issued a bulletin about an hour ago telling people that they ARE to stay off of the roads. The city of Baltimore has initiated Phase III of their snow plan … only emergency vehicles are allowed on the roads. Period. Intense snow fall and winds of 40 miles per hour make for some rather hideous conditions.
My ex wife recently tossed a friendly jab my way, telling me to suck it up because they get this all the time up in Maine. While I will agree that these types of intense wintertime weather events are more common up there, I dare say that they are not quite accustomed to this!
I could be wrong …
but let’s just move along …
Before we do get about the business of moving along … the following was — and I am CRAPPIN’ YOU NEGATIVE … one of the paragraphs (verbatim) from the National Weather Service alert that was issued for our region at 11:34am:
“People are encouraged not to panic… but to simply stay inside… enjoy your favorite indoor activities… and ride this storm out… the hazardous conditions will be improving later this evening.”
You know what the means, don’t you?
Tis time to actually write instead just pumping out another one of those finished-in-fifteen-minutes picto-blogs!
But first, I would like to have a little chitchat with some of you about blog etiquette.
Or, not to put too fine a point on it: blog reading etiquette.
Before we get too deeply entrenched in that subject, though, I want to start off by saying THANK YOU!
If you have visited us more than once, I double that order of gratitude.
If you are amongst those who regularly visit this place, I am sincerely honored that you’ve been entertained enough to want to come back with any frequency.
Good stuff, I tell ya!
As you’ve probably noticed, I am not the only one who blogs here. At present, the regular writing staff is a tad Spartan, to say the very least.
Before the council of writers gets too large and the silly insecurities of the “what about me?” sort enter the picture …
I want to give some really huge props to our “stunt blogger”, Nuthin!
We are fortunate that such a gifted and entertainingly clever person has chosen to park some of his linguistic creations on this dark, humble, virtually uncharted little corner of “teh interwebs.”
I still don’t have actual profile pages for the site Authors and Admins (nor for the Council of Doom, but that will come in time)
So, where were we?
A big ol’ butt load of thanks to our readers!
Here, how about I make you a steak?
Okay, back to the subject of blog etiquette …
We, as “authors”, do what we do because we enjoy it.
Plain and simple.
It is fun to do this blogging stuff and I have to believe that I am laughing infinitely harder than most any of you are. I write stuff that is fun to come back and read later. Due to the completely spontaneous, “stream of consciousness” nature of the vast majority of my blogging, I hardly remember many of the details of what I’ve written, so this is really an entertaining process for me.
Sadly, it is painfully obvious – sometimes unbearably so – that I do not proof-read what I post, no less go through any sort of editorial process.
Something I like to refer to as …
But my point being, it’s when I come back days or weeks later that I’ll finally do proof reading (if any) and sometimes a little editorial work. Although, I must say that when it comes to my true projectile blogging posts, I really don’t like doing much in the way of editorializing my original process. I mean, hey … if it struck me as important enough to blurt it out, then it very well has a purpose — however miniscule — and is hopefully resolved by the end of the story.
And even that’s not intentional most of the time … which is what make projectile blogging so daggone fun. At least for me.
But anyhow … I guess you’ve probably noticed that I really like those “so last decade” smilies, huh?
Dude, they taste just like chicken!!!
I really need to contain my A.D.D.-like tendencies today, sorry …
. . .
On to matters of Blogging Etiquette …
(if you will)
As detailed on my “FOK!” page, the intent here is not to point the Finger of Authority at you and make you feel scolded. That would be patronizing, and nobody wants that!
Except you, so shut it!
My point being — and I understand the whole matter of feeling like a finger is being pointed makes that a poor choice of words — we really get a big charge out of interacting with our beloved audience. Especially those of you who choose to Register as member-residents of the Wonderful World of Buck!
he’s the parallel universe alter of Billy Mays, and he dies in that universe too …
You really don’t want Billy Haze storming in here like a cocaine-induced manic jackhammer and start pummeling you about the virtues of becoming a registered user on this site. Just feel free to register. It makes commenting and interacting more enjoyable … and it very well may be the start of a quest that results in you getting sucked into this whole cerebral black hole known as blog writing!
If you like to tell stories or make people laugh in a clever, well delivered manner, blogging really is worthy of your attention.
And when that day comes, you too will understand this whole aspect of interaction.
Even heckling and a throwing of the proverbial elbow of jest is warmly welcomed.
Without getting all geeky and checking on server logs, we really have absolutely no clue whether anyone has stopped by. Now … should you happen upon a blog post that’s really a train wreck of failure, then perhaps the silence that only a cricket could wish for would be in order.
The point is, have a heart, leave a comment if you make it all the way to the end of a blog.
Don’t make me break out the anal invading hyenas from hell …
(and, as it turns out, this species — Hyena Semper-sodomus — is actually a marsupial. So much for that whole idea that the marsupial is a calm, bashful and predominately harmless species. The Tazmanian Devil, for example …
About the only thing worse that the hyena semper-sodomus … even worse than the Tasmanian Devil — especially an angry she-devil, doubly so when mating season approaches — is an animal thought to be extinct for centuries now.
And it is no matter of coincidence that I am making mention of marsupials here …
the Snow Devil!
I know, I know … it bears a STRIKING resemblance to the Snow Possum.
That’s only fitting when ya think about it, though. I mean, dude … they’re both marsupials! Much in the same way that certain of the King snake species can bear a striking resemblance to teh Coral snake, the devil’s in the details.
But we’re getting a little bit off track here, aren’t we?
Our job as writers is to write … and due to the fact that there’s no binding obligation or moral imperative that we do so, it’s not a job whatsoever; but I’ve already covered the whole “we do it for the joy of blogging” nonsense.
We don’t get paid … I have absolutely zero aspirations of every hosting any click-thru ads to raise a little cash …
even if it is for a worthy cause … say, I dunno … alcohol research!
This is a purely casual endeavor done for the love of the LULZ …
We do it for our own ROR …
All we ask is that you quit being such a selfish, miserly, tightfisted, lurker and show our writers a little love, will ya?
Okay, let’s just pretend that you’re here for no other reason than morbid curiosity …
Unlike real life … where, if you happen to stumble across the police investigating a horrid, unthinkable crime scene … here, in BucksWorld, you’re actually EXPECTED to find a way to get into the background of whatever the forensic photographer is photographing and ham it up with a big grin or funny face.
SRSLY!(go ahead, click on the image … you should be familiar with the routine by now … Click to Enlarge! huhu … that’s what she said!!
Anyhow … even IF you’re here out of sheer morbid curiosity, you’re still expected to make your presence known.
Otherwise … it’s considered lurking …
and quite frankly …
… and it’s just downright creepy!
Okay, I think that about covers it for today, kiddies.
In case you somehow missed it … and this is the abbreviated version for those even lowlier souls: the folks that simply scroll through to see the pics.
STOP RIGHT THERE!
If you’re the type that just scrolls through for the pics, this is an important announcement for you:
Leave a comment!
And that, my friends, is one ballsy white boy!!!!!!… now scroll on down and leave a comment …
Wow, we have a lot of territory to cover and very little time to cover it.
Be forewarned, though …
It appears that some of us are a little too retarded to safely share computers with their spousal units. Yes, one of our very own is guilty of impersonating a Buck’s World official.
The Accused: Eh — the Dutchess of TaTa’s — Mizzle (loving and devoted wife of the ever lovable Jay Bizzle)
In Friday’s afternooon posting — the infamous, “welcome to the outskirts of interwebs drama” post — a comment in which endearing references to a certain male cetacean reproductive organ were made, and credited to Jay Bizzle.
At first, I — your moderately humble host — was almost taken a’back, but then I could not help but attribute said homoerotic references to Mister Bizzle’s warped sense of humor.
He attributes such to the voices … but we’ll have to come back to that subject another day.
All the same … later Saturday afternoon I happened upon Missiz Bizzle, who laughingly, yet discretely, asked if I enjoyed her reference to the above referenced cetacean phallus.
I blinked my eyes in confusion for a moment before it occurred to me …
Jay Bizzle is not coming out of the water closet quite yet!
Thank god we dodged that bullet.
. . .
I think it is important that we take a few moments to step back and review the decorum and certain other points of order that every citizen of the wonderful world of Buck should always be aware.
Before we begin, though, perhaps it would do us all well to be reminded of the consequences of our actions. We must needs be mindful that infractions against the laws of this cyber-land can not, and will not, be tolerated!
Make certain of this, though … I, your loving and benevolent leader, would never execute punishment on ANY of the goodly people of this wonderful world.
Those who cross the line must face …
[insert cheesy, stereotypical music wherein a villain is first introduced onto the screen]
It’s really not appropriate to reveal the identities of every member of the Council of Doom at this time. There may be — gasp — outsiders amongst us!
However … there are a few seated lifetime judges on the council, and perhaps a brief introduction might bring a little more mindfulness to some of our citizens and, let us hope, possibly wipe those smirks off their faces!
Ladies and gentlemen, our senior council member needs no introduction …
Greetings, citizens! I’m Space Ghost!
Hey, stop it right there Space Ghost, I already said you needed no introduction.
Yeah, I know, but …
I’m SPACE GHOST!
We know this, Space Ghost. Please sit back down and allow me to finish this stupid blog up before I have to head out for the day.
man . . .
Okay, while Space Ghost is the senior council member, he is not the judge nor is he the one who runs the show when court is in order.
The Chief Justice and Supreme Arbitrator is the one and only … but, for legal reasons, we have to refrain from using his name … the ineffable Judge K!
It’s kinda early in the morning for a judge to be having a pint of beer, isn’t it?
Harden the f*@# up, mate …
[Space Ghost starts waving his hands wildly]
Yeah, Space Ghost, what’s up?
If I can’t introduce myself, would you at least allow me to introduce the rest of my staff?
Sure, Space Ghost, why not?
Ladies and gents, Moltar, for reasons I am legally obligated to not discuss, is not with us here this evening. However, I’d like to ...
. . .
With all the things we have on our plate this morning, we really don’t have time to fully get ourselves acquainted with the Council of Doom.
Suffice it to say, that is a courtroom you do NOT want to be in!
. . .
Let’s see, what else do we have in the in-box this morning?
Dude, what are you doing back here?
I have something for you …
Space Ghost, I’m serious … I really do not have time for this crap this morning!
DUDE! Put that thing back where you found it!
Because it’s not yours to take!
Really? Then whose is it?
We can’t talk about it …
Because we can’t …
SHUT UP, BRAK!!!!!!
. . .
Moving along …
Jay Bizzle pulled me aside from an otherwise less-than-stellar round of Golden Tee this weekend to announce that he has found a potential beer belly gold medalist …
Yeah, that dude has that TATTOO’d onto his belly!!!!
. . .
Have you seen one of these before?
That’s a Snow Frog.
You may have heard of them … maybe not.
You’ve DEFINITELY heard them over the years, though … that much is for sure.
I’ll never forget the first time I’d had it pointed out to me!
This must’ve been 1978, maybe 1979 … we lived at Quantico and we were in the midst of getting SLAMMED by a massive snow storm!
The weatherman had only been calling for “a dusting” earlier that evening …
We got several FEET!
Anyhow … after an evening of Christmas caroling and imbibing on massive quantities of heated, spiced wine, we finally made our way back to our quarters on the other side of the base. My parents, my brother and I slowly worked our way from the driveway to the front door, already more than knee deep in snow! I was immediately behind my dad.
As he fumbled through his pocket for the house key, a distinct, rumbling noise broke the perfect, angelic silence that normally accompanies snow fall.
“Ah, dad … you FARTED!!!!!!!”
He turned his head over his shoulder towards me, shaking his head gently in the non-affirmative, and with a hint of a drawl, and maybe even a slight hint of a slur, he intimated, “Noooo, son … that was a fucking SNOW FROG!”
I … came … un GLUED!
Anyhow … this was supposed to be a blog about other people, not me.
OH wait, I almost forget …
It’s all about Buck! B-)
. . .
Well, sports fans … I had a LOT of other stuff I wanted to talk about this morning, but I dare say I hear mama Buck stirring about upstairs.
That can only mean one thing:
It’s time for breakfast. That oughta be fun; we’ve not gone out for breakfast together in quite some time.
So, while I’m taking a shower and you’re contemplating … whatever it is that occupies the mind of some poor fool that would have the time, no less the inclination, to actually read through an entire episode of this projectile verbiage …
Take another few minutes to enjoy the following little add-on for your laptop that is CERTAIN to make you “The Man” with all the hot chicas at the office!
(or get ya written up on sexual harassment charges!)
. . .
Okay, I REALLY have to get going!
Until next time …
PEACE OFF, FAUX CURSE!
Whoa! So, yesterday I post that goofy blog. I mean, I’d been looking for one of those moments when I could squeeze in a little something over-the-top and actually have an excuse to have gotten away with it. Let’s face it, some things are best just left alone.
But we can’t can have that …
All the same, I waltz into the pub anxious to play some Friday afternoon Golden Tee and I’m all like a pro football player with a few of my friends about what I was convinced was a marginal home run of a blog …
I didn’t want to risk using an image of an actual professional football player out of fear that the owning corporation might jump on the opportunity to sue me for using a copyrighted image of the “#FL” … I mean, Bob forbid we actually believe that anybody apart from that great and all-knowing body could have otherwise come up with something like the fleur de lis or the phrase “Who Dat?” ???
Seriously … what is this world coming to?
But anyhow … I am starting to believe that Jay (of the clan Bizzle) and the other goodly town folk who have suggested I find and/or create a warning sign of some sort might have a point.
Seems yesterday’s mental equivalent of pinching the proverbial loaf didn’t go over perfectly well.
DISCLAIMER! The following blog and commentary is not about you! Now, yes … a couple of the things that I mention are about “NOPE!!! ” … and in two places I do take a playful stab at “NotaChance” … actually, make that three times.
But everybody else … this is NOT about you!!!!
Repeat after me:
. . .
. . .
. . .
I did advertise it as, “not for the faint of heart” for the Facebook crowd … did I not?
Sports fans, work with me here for a moment …
This blog is all about the satire
(granted, poorly executed)
a feckless exercise in sarcasm …
quasi-wit and shamelessly self promoting banter …
(actually, I think feckless was probably enough all by itself)
. . .
Ya know what? This whole thing of even mentioning why I feel the need to write a disclaimer is going to get inherently complicated. Once again, this not about you …
it’s all about Buck!
(well, yeah, and there are more than a couple references to “NoWayOk?“)
You see, sarcasm and wit go hand in hand.
Of course, there are th0se who have opined that wit is nothing more than educated insolence. I believe that one started with Aristotle, but who knows, he may have clept that one too?
And I know I shouldn’t be patting myself on the shoulder so enthusiastically either. I’m not a master of wit nor sarcasm as much as I am a predatory opportunist.
Oh man, that’s really a bad choice of words.
I am not a predator!
I used to be a Predator, with a capital ‘P’ … and I must say that for all of our faults as a paintball team, the Predators DID have some major league fun! I do look forward to some day hooking back up with J.C., Muzzi or any of those guys from back in the day!
In our own minds, we were pimps, we were ninjas … we were special Olympians … Yeah, baby … we were
But anyhow …
I’m an opportunist, plain and simple. Just ask anybody that spends too much time around me: Jay Bizzle, Possum, Billy, even the She Beast can tell you: my only gift is in overstating the painfully obvious in the most intellectually obscure, almost intelligent sounding, multi-syllabic manner possible.
In fact, my own bride can be frequently heard uttering the words: “Thank you, Captain Obvious!”
J’yup … that’s me!
And it’s high time we finally get back to our regularly scheduled disclaimer …
Where were we anyhow?
Ah, yes … sarcasm.
Yeah, did you read about this? There is a firm here in states who, after centuries of men and women of wit confounding the comparatively simple-minded, have — in true “Property of the NFL” fashion — come up with a symbol and have obtained a registered trademark for it.
Yeah, ther’s now a “Sarc-Mark” (r) …
Are you believing this?
Sadly, such has been proposed numerous times over the years … anything from upside question marks and exclamation points and more. I find it disturbing that we even have to consider as much, but hey … that’s the world we live it, right?
I mean, do we really need someone to point out that something like the following is purely an exercise in sarcasm?
Now that I think about it, maybe in this case it does …
Or how about this …
Do we really have to couch something like that with a sarcasm disclaimer?
But I digress …
So, in closing, all I want to say is this …
None of this is about YOU …
Come on, sports fans …
Say it with me:
We’ll have to save the disclaimer thing for another time! B-)
It’s time once again for a brief intermission from the inanity.
In short, I’ve had to resort to changing the system so only registered users can post comments now.
Reason? Some moronic hackers overseas have been using blog comments on my site to post links to servers they’ve hijacked.
I’ve been spending a LOT of time every week deleting these “trojan horse” comments, sometimes upwards of 20 minutes a DAY.
THE GOOD NEWS … becoming a registered user of BucksWorld has some benefits:
– If you click on “Remember me” the next time you log on, you’ll no longer be asked to provide your name, etc. when posting comments or replies to other people’s comments. Yay.
– It automatically enrolls you in our occasional drawings and random “door prize” days. Yes, YOU too could win VALUABLE PRIZES!
– Quite frankly, the sense of becoming part of something bigger than yourself borders on orgasmic.
– and most importantly: Your information will NEVER be sold or made available to any body, any time, for any reason! Quite frankly, there’s not all that much of a chance that you are more paranoid about surfing the internet than I am. I DETEST junk mail, I am genuinely AFRAID of identity theft. I’m not really sure if there’s anything I CAN say to make you more comfortable about taking this step other than to tell you I’ve been doing this “online entertainment” thing for a decade and a half. There are people who CAN vouch for the fact that BucksWorld has NEVER hosted advertising links … has never once turned a single penny’s profit. I’ve paid for these websites out of my own pocket purely for the sheer enjoyment of hopefully finding people who will join me at laughing with AND AT me.
So, come on … WHAT ARE YOU WAITING FOR?!?!?!?!
ps: if you do NOT receive a confirmation email with your password within 20 minutes, please shoot me a message at Facebook or my private email address: “Buck [zat] BucksWorld.net”
(of course, don’t include the quotation marks and replace the [zat] with … well, you know … the “AT” symbol …)
~ ~ ~
On an semi-related note: this is NOT the same as subscribing. Registering makes you a MEMBER of this online community. That gives you the right to comment and opens the doors to giving you a blog of your own here some day.
Subscribing, however, is a means whereby you receive notification of each new blog that gets posted here. The various subscription options available are listed at the top-right of each and every blog posted (cleverly disguised as “Subscription Options”).
Back when I had the time and inclination, my former website was somewhat … shall I say: organized … there were designated pages for serious stuff, pages for silly stuff (a whole hell of a lot of those, as you might imagine) , a page for the Electric Comedy Club, another for tributes for the dearly departed, yadda friggen yadda.
For now, though, all I really have here is this here old WordPress server / blog and it seems that I (once again) have two distinct groups of readers: 1) those that are here for “teh funnies” and, 2) those that are here for the serious stuff (or, at the very least, willing to trudge through just about anything along the way).
So … I got to thinking again … and yeah, the process itself was a bit taxing. Not painful, but definitely a little taxing …
But all the same: in the midst of all that thinking the thought occurred to me that it’s probably best if I separate my more serious rants and ramblings from the more patently inane stuff that I publish in the hopes of coaxing a smile, a chuckle, and maybe even a laugh from you, my poor, depraved reader.
So, forthwith, all of my more serious drivel … my more political rants and social commentaries, if you will … shall be posted elsewhere.
Should you be so inclined as to the location of said postings, they can be found at the blog now titled:
“(un)COMMON SENSE” …
That’s http://politico.BucksWorld.net for those of you so inclined to copy & paste rather than click on a link.
That is all.
. . .
Good morning and hello to all my fellow residents of “Teh Wonderful World of Buck”
Let me introduce myself:
Hi, my name is Nuthin.
all my friends call me Nuthin.
but you can call me Nuthin.
I won a “contest” here at “Bucks World” and “Buck” was kind enough to grant me “Contributorship Status” on this here “finer-n-frogs hair” website, so I resolved to “contribute”.
Some of you may know me from my brief, albeit busy, stint on the social networking site know as ‘teh Spazz’.
I am no longer there for legal reasons…and we’ll leave it at that.
I suffer from Profanitism: the excessive and habitual use of profanity. Which means I swear alot (I have promised to restrain myself a bit, but expect the occasionl fcuk bomb here and there.) I credit my beloved Marine Corps for an almost unparalled mastery of the issuance of all things profane.
I prefer the color red. (in case you hadn’t noticed)
I learned something today, and so should you, and to prove this point…
Here is my contribution for teh day to the furtherance of your vocabulary.
Typographical symbols standing for profanities, which appear in dialogue balloons in the place of actual dialogue. (dont axe me how thats pronounced though, I know not)
I am a technophile. Although this does NOT mean I am especially versed in all things computer, unlike our fiend Buck.
I intentionally typo.
I have an Olde English Bulldog puppy (4 months old) who’s full name is “Reglus Titus Tiro”. He prefers “Titus” for short.
I really like latin for some reason, and Tibet.
I like long walks in the rain, poetry, and calling cadence.
Speaking of Poetry…I have one I’d like to share with you.
Its one I wrote awhile back and its short enough to hold the attention span of the average hominid, yet profound enough to occupy ones mind for longer than one would prefer it be occupied. (profound to be read confusing)
Ode to a Realist’s Water Glass
o cylindrical containerized fluidity
how dost thou quench mine thirst in vain
foer but hither hour comes anon
I greedly lap thy refresherating coolness again
making pale my yellower evacuations
leaded crystal minst vehicle for watery indulgence
I bade thee thithereth me mine thirst be gone
Fore but leaves thine glass half full?
nay, Half empty then this transparent sand?
NEITHER say I. Pessimissim be damned!
Optimism be thou thrown likewise from yonder Dam!
IT IS A GLASS.
IT HAS FCUKING WATER IN IT.
SHUT UP AND DRINK IT.
I am but a humble REALIST drinking poorly
from the richness of my tap.
Thank you…**takes bow**
I am completly imbued with the knowledge of the useless…of which I would like to share.
Here is a prime example, and as an addition to todays vocabulary lesson, here is the Arithmetic lesson for all you interwebs kiddies out there.
Did you know that teh internet weighs approximately 1,096,564,831,978 lbs, or about 1.1 Trillion pounds.
I know this because the internet told me…plus I read this report.
I share a love of all things idiosyncraticly visual as does the aforementioned Bcuk.
I come from a long line of handsome bastards.
…and I got my, and my brothers their, unofficial nicknames when my father threatened his mother, while we were yet babes, that he was going to name his three children Whatcha, Howya and Nuthin (our last name is “doin” only spelled differently). I dont think she minded actually. Knowing her, she laughed and dared him to do it. From hence forth I became “Nuthin”.
This is Howya:
This is Whatcha:
I am Nuthin…
In conclusion, I dont expect to write often, but when I do you will at least know which parts to skip during your daily foray into Bucks World.
Now the homework part of todays lesson:
Do you have a nickname?
This afternoon I added a quick “how to” guide. It’s a first cut thing and it’ll expand over time. Towards the top of this page you’ll see links/buttons to three other pages on this site:
(out and …) About!
It seemed a fitting name given the events of the week …
Welcome to BucksWorld.net …it’s been a while and it would be great to hear from anybody from the old BucksWorld.com days before my beloved domain was snatched away. As it turns out, I could have easily prevented that event had I locked-down my domain placement, but I was unaware that such a thing existed.
ANYHOW … out with the old, in with the new.
This domain is a hosting site for my family and friends. Some have their own domain parked here, others park content such as images and other stuff here, and others still have their own blogs, special pages, etc.
It’s not a family site, per se, and it’s certainly not an all-out “family friendly” site either. Some of my friends and their opinions might offend, so be forewarned: I don’t do outside input about what I allow to be posted on my site.
If something expressed here offends your sensibilities, then you are free to simply leave. However, if i INVITED you here and you’ve found reason for offense, I’ll listen. Doesn’t mean I’ll change anything, but at least I’ll listen.
Let’s let the big ol, bad ol cartoon begin!
(content to be added soon)