Do you have any sense, sir?

Any sense? Are you kidding me? Of course I sense! In fact, here’s my two …

Though my experience seemingly limited, and my opinions perhaps deemed irrelevant; I, Buck’s Evil Underling, hereby humbly accept the gracious invitation to try-out for one of the coveted positions as a resident”stunt blogger.”

So get ready beeches, I’m OFF:

I suppose I should begin with a “formal” introduction of myself.

I’m “A”. At least that’s what my friends call me.

It’s better than being called the name mother nature (that slut) gave me: Anonymous.

Last name “Hoell.”

Yeah, yeah. You’re funny.

You think I’ve never gotten any shit about my name being A. Hoell?!

I was the bastard child of some random whore who left me at heaven’s gate. Sister Prudence apparently thought it prudent to allow me to maintain such a shitty name, I assume, because of her bitterness toward her own wretched title.

But then again Nuns aren’t ALL bad, I ’spose…

(as usual — and this time let’s do it with enthusiasm — click to enlarge!)

A redeeming quality, indeed. BUT I digress…

Sorry, I get distracted ALOT.

But back to my name..

Come on … we’re talking about My NAME … and  THIS blog …

God, can ya just look away for just a second???

thank you

And I mean. It wouldn’t have been so bad! A. Hoell.. Har har.

But when I somehow managed to keep “Anonymous” as my first name yet end up with “Sylvan Siberius” as DOUBLE middle names, I knew that lady muuust have wanted to fuck with me.  (I think ma’ was screwing Father So-and-So and her jealousy thus caused her to hate me.)

Again all theories.

So I am Mr. A. … aka: A. Hoell … aka: A. S. S. Hoell (as my license says) … aka: Mr. Anonymous, what have you.

Just don’t call me “late for dinner”

…

See? If I start with that, ALL my shit’s gonna seem pure comedic genius in comparison!

What else is there that you should know about me?

I’m a man.

A straight man.

A “gay” joke may slip here and there. I don’t judge, nor do I hate. I just don’t understand…

I’m sorry. But don’t tell me I don’t know what a gay man feels like, I just forced out a power-poop that was ENTIRELY larger than I had previously anticipated… I now know.

I am, as you will all soon discover, a man of many passions. Like Buck himself, I am full of political ramblings, philosophical ditherings, and an endless flow of good ‘ol, home-baked vowel movements.

What else?

Sports.

I love sports!

I love basketball. Football. Whatever.

now that’s what I call a “soccer mom”!

Yes, sports give me that funny feeling in my tummy…

.

March Madness is in full swing…

My bracket’s already been raped up the a**, along with my chances at $500, but it’s fun to watch nonetheless!

But more on THAT later.

As I still consider myself a young man, it is an interesting time to look at politics and see what my future has to hold.

And as a child of youth, I have an interesting perspective on the direction this country is being thrusted into by our beloved leadership.

I joke…

Kinda.

But don’t think me an irrational thinker. I’m merely a passionate expressionist.

I’ll make an extra effort not to be aesthetically pleasing you while screwing/ defacing you and your opinions in too rough a fashion..

But there is so much news to cover that it would take WAY too much of this blog, your attention spans, and my sanity to POSSIBLY go into it all, but there is just one but I thought was relevant…

I KNOW, I know. I’m too rough. I don’t give enough credit to all the “hard work” our elected officials put into their jobs..

I just don’t buy into the messiah complex of the “chosen one” we voted into office…

Shooting stars will soon fall to earth. And he’ll land as a lame duck.

November’s coming, as is a revolution of sorts.

As a forewarning, I am equally as passionate and opinionated as Buck, so be ready for it!

So there is an infinite more to know about me, but that will have to do for now..

I believe my invitation to try out for a position as a Buck’s World stunt blogging extraordinaire because of our common love of …

BACON!!

Anyways, not only does March bring us March madness, it also ushers in the first official day of spring, which brings me back to MY thoughts of the day … in fact, the first of my two “sense”:

Legs are back!!

In case any of you live significantly South of the Mason-Dixon, there is a God-forsaken part of the year (traditionally referred to as “winter”) in which all legs, side breasts, shoulders, backs, and general eye candy are packed away or covered like some camel-F***ing, burka-wearing society in the Middle-East.

It’s a truly tragic part of the year.

But, praise Jesus, they’ve returned!!

Ah, and what a welcome return it is!!

There’s nothing QUITE like walking along on the first nice day of the year and seeing a perfectly shaped thigh for the first time.. It’s, it’s… downright special. Like being a 12yr old horn dog again! No being sly or tactful about it; When you see your first hot, young pair of legs in a given year, the eyes will be glued to such legs for at least, but not limited to, 7.65 seconds.

Or else you’re gay.

And believe me, we know who you are, “Mr. I’m_Stuck_in_the_Closet_but_Don’t_want_to_make_my_Guy_Friends_Uncomfortable”

We know.

(I think that last pic was worth clicking on, if you haven’t done so already)

And my second cent…

Last Christmas, I was sitting in front of yet ANOTHER shitty ABC Family “Christmas” film. Pondering how they continued to make these, and how they continued to make any money or attain a viewing audience at ALL…

The video quality has stayed pretty much the same since 1988, the acting is atrocious –featuring nobody you’ve ever heard of… For a reason– and it seems that the true purpose is to give you a cheap thrill (in this case “Christmas charm”) then put you to sleep.

That’s when it struck me:

Not 24 hours before, I had turned on an “After-dark” Cinemax special. Much like… No, identical to the Christmas special I was watching; the images of the cheesy, barely definable porn crossed the television screen.

You know what I mean…

Yeah, there.

Everyone’s first experience with the true beauty of “Premium movie channels.”

It’s there I discovered the vast conspiracy: Porno directors and Christmas special makers are the same people.

The similarities are undeniable. The truth, now exposed. At the youngest of ages, the same pornographers not economically able to purchase new cameras or screenplay producers create a societal norm of shitty filmmaking through ABC Family’s and Hallmark’s “Christmas Specials.”

Brilliance.

Well as a stunt man of blogging, I now find myself at the terminal end of  my inaugural blog.

Leave comments and I’ll try my VERY best to answer and reply as honestly as I possibly can manage..

Ah yes, honesty is a tricky virtue sometimes, is it not?

Have a great day!

Live free, Die young, Come again! (And again and again, if you’re of the female persuasion)

And courageously, I shall hopefully go forth into a new career of Stunt Blogging!

Pees, Little Faux Curse!!

I’m OUT