Wow, we have a lot of territory to cover and very little time to cover it.

Be forewarned, though …

Parts of this blog ARE about YOU!!!

It appears that some of us are a little too retarded to safely share computers with their spousal units. Yes, one of our very own is guilty of impersonating a Buck’s World official.

The Accused: Eh — the Dutchess of TaTa’s — Mizzle (loving and devoted wife of the ever lovable Jay Bizzle)

The Accusation:

In Friday’s afternooon posting — the infamous, “welcome to the outskirts of interwebs drama” post — a comment in which endearing references to a certain male cetacean reproductive organ were made, and credited to Jay Bizzle.

At first, I — your moderately humble host — was almost taken a’back, but then I could not help but attribute said homoerotic references to Mister Bizzle’s warped sense of humor.

He attributes such to the voices … but we’ll have to come back to that subject another day.

All the same … later Saturday afternoon I happened upon Missiz Bizzle, who laughingly, yet discretely, asked if I enjoyed her reference to the above referenced cetacean phallus.

I blinked my eyes in confusion for a moment before it occurred to me …

Jay Bizzle is not coming out of the water closet quite yet!

Thank god we dodged that bullet.

. . .

I think it is important that we take a few moments to step back and review the decorum and certain other points of order that every citizen of the wonderful world of Buck should always be aware.

Before we begin, though, perhaps it would do us all well to be reminded of the consequences of our actions. We must needs be mindful that infractions against the laws of this cyber-land can not, and will not, be tolerated!

Make certain of this, though … I, your loving and benevolent leader, would never execute punishment on ANY of the goodly people of this wonderful world.

Nay.

Those who cross the line must face …

The Council of Doom!

[insert cheesy, stereotypical music wherein a villain is first introduced onto the screen]

It’s really not appropriate to reveal the identities of every member of the Council of Doom at this time. There may be — gasp – outsiders amongst us!

However … there are a few seated lifetime judges on the council, and perhaps a brief introduction might bring a little more mindfulness to some of our citizens and, let us hope, possibly wipe those smirks off their faces!

Ladies and gentlemen, our senior council member needs no introduction …

Greetings, citizens! I’m Space Ghost!

Hey, stop it right there Space Ghost, I already said you needed no introduction.

Yeah, I know, but …

I’m SPACE GHOST!

We know this, Space Ghost. Please sit back down and allow me to finish this stupid blog up before I have to head out for the day.

man . . .

…

Okay, while Space Ghost is the senior council member, he is not the judge nor is he the one who runs the show when court is in order.

The Chief Justice and Supreme Arbitrator is the one and only … but, for legal reasons, we have to refrain from using his name … the ineffable Judge K!

Sup?

It’s kinda early in the morning for a judge to be having a pint of beer, isn’t it?

Harden the f*@# up, mate …

Anyhow …

[Space Ghost starts waving his hands wildly]

Yeah, Space Ghost, what’s up?

If I can’t introduce myself, would you at least allow me to introduce the rest of my staff?

Sure, Space Ghost, why not?

Thank you!

Ladies and gents, Moltar, for reasons I am legally obligated to not discuss, is not with us here this evening. However, I’d like to ...

. . .

With all the things we have on our plate this morning, we really don’t have time to fully get ourselves acquainted with the Council of Doom.

Suffice it to say, that is a courtroom you do NOT want to be in!

. . .

Let’s see, what else do we have in the in-box this morning?

Ah, yes …

Buck?!?!?

Dude, what are you doing back here?

I have something for you …

Space Ghost, I’m serious … I really do not have time for this crap this morning!

I have a snow shark for you, sir!

DUDE! Put that thing back where you found it!

Why?

Because it’s not yours to take!

Really? Then whose is it?

We can’t talk about it …

Why not?

Because we can’t …

Well, um,um,um … is it SNOW COW?!?!?

SHUT UP, BRAK!!!!!!

. . .

Moving along …

Jay Bizzle pulled me aside from an otherwise less-than-stellar round of Golden Tee this weekend to announce that he has found a potential beer belly gold medalist …

Yeah, that dude has that TATTOO’d onto his belly!!!!

Love it!

. . .

Have you seen one of these before?

That’s a Snow Frog.

You may have heard of them … maybe not.

You’ve DEFINITELY heard them over the years, though … that much is for sure.

I’ll never forget the first time I’d had it pointed out to me!

This must’ve been 1978, maybe 1979 … we lived at Quantico and we were in the midst of getting SLAMMED by a massive snow storm!

The weatherman had only been calling for “a dusting” earlier that evening …

We got several FEET!

Anyhow … after an evening of Christmas caroling and imbibing on massive quantities of heated, spiced wine, we finally made our way back to our quarters on the other side of the base. My parents, my brother and I slowly worked our way from the driveway to the front door, already more than knee deep in snow! I was immediately behind my dad.

As he fumbled through his pocket for the house key, a distinct, rumbling noise broke the perfect, angelic silence that normally accompanies snow fall.

“Ah, dad … you FARTED!!!!!!!”

He turned his head over his shoulder towards me, shaking his head gently in the non-affirmative, and with a hint of a drawl, and maybe even a slight hint of a slur, he intimated, “Noooo, son … that was a fucking SNOW FROG!”

I … came … un GLUED!

Anyhow … this was supposed to be  a blog about other people, not me.

OH wait, I almost forget …

It’s all about Buck! B-)

. . .

Well, sports fans … I had a LOT of other stuff I wanted to talk about this morning, but I dare say I hear mama Buck stirring about upstairs.

That can only mean one thing:

It’s time for breakfast. That oughta be fun; we’ve not gone out for breakfast together in quite some time.

So, while I’m taking a shower and you’re contemplating … whatever it is that occupies the mind of some poor fool that would have the time, no less the inclination, to actually read through an entire episode of this projectile verbiage …

Take another few minutes to enjoy the following little add-on for your laptop that is CERTAIN to make you “The Man” with all the hot chicas at the office!

(or get ya written up on sexual harassment charges!)

. . .

…

Okay, I REALLY have to get going!

Until next time …

PEACE OFF, FAUX CURSE!