Good day to you kind citizens of Bucks Werld, and a happy February to all!
It has been awhile since I have had anything worth writing about, and I doubt today will be any different but I will try anyway.
The nerd herd here at the office has unexplainably lost all of its pretty womanly talent (receptionists) and now us dorks are manning the front office until they return, and its glaringly obvious why we don’t do this job every day, we suck at it.
We have no people skills, we have failed to adapt in socially acceptable ways to everyday situations, which is why most of us are slightly weird, mentally gangly loser’s anydamnway.
It’s a good thing that this company’s public representation is the nice ladies that are the face of the front office, otherwise we would go bankrupt.
We tend to turn the music up loud and throw things at each other while screaming expletives and making crude drawings on the white boards until we can find some poor loser fellow employee whose left their computer unlocked so we can put a semi-nude picture of David Hasselhoff holding/molesting puppies as their desktop background.
I’ve seen zoo chimpanzees show more decorum while flinging poo at each other.
Speaking of poo flinging, and animals in general…
This whole recent “snow animals” direction that Buck has taken up with seems to reside a little too close to beastiality than I would prefer to live, so I am not going to comment on his: whale/pig/cow/glove/elephant/shark/fist/kangaroo/frog, menagerie of unhealthy obsessional delusions for the moment, but I do reserve the right to hold judgment at a later date. (at which time I may enlist the help of our fair and unbiased readership to attempt to hold him accountable for the “things that have been seen, cannot be UNseen.” effect. )
Moving on before I incur the wrath of Buck…
Well Christmas came and went, New Years came and went, hell even janularry came and went and now 1/12th of 2KX is gone and I have nothing to show for it other than a few dozen empty 6 pack containers of Guinness and a pair of skis that are one full ski short of being a pair of skis.
I still have both the poles though, so while I’m screaming down the hill on one ski, throwing empty bottles of beer at the little ski-monkey kids, I can whack the ones I miss with my poles.
Skiing is fun as hell dude.
Living in the great white north as I do, there are two things we have no shortage of here…snow and beer. ( I will not include fat women in this short list because that would be more than two things, and I typed the word two already so I can’t go back and change it now)
The snow is awesome cause it make the lakes freeze solid so we can fish without our boats sinking (we have old boats). This is known as “drunken frozen lake fishing”, and we tow the boats right out on the lake and drill holes through the ice and drunkenly try to cast our lures into the holes we drilled.
We never catch more than a buzz, but we sure have fun doing it. When we are drunk enough we pull the boats back off the lake and drag them through the city streets (after lighting them afire of course).
(I heart Guinness)
(our boat was slightly smaller than this, though the fire just just as spectacular, expecially at about 45mph)
I suppose this is why our boats normally sink during the summer, “drunken unfrozen lake fishing”, season (I understand they have this new thing out for putting under your boat, it has wheels or something, weird). This might explain why our relationship with the local authorities might be a little strained (it’s usually their boats we borrow while they are out driving their little cop cars around, ok that was only one time, long memories those cops).
(true story…)( tank de laud for the statue of limitations, and the Marine Corps taking me away from the area for awhile)
The only down side is when we are done drinking we have to pick up all the empty beer bottles and cans cause normally in the summer we can just fillem with water and watch em sink to the bottom of the lake, but frozen water don’t sink, so our beer cans float on top of the ice and we have to pick em up and put em in the back of the neighbors truck.
Believe it or not this is a better method of fishing than our former and more explosive method.
(better being relative of course)
I have nearly worn out my Christmas gift of BuckyBalls making intricate shapes and spheres and helixical pointless do-dads. My coworkers have also taken a liking to my balls and ask to play with them quite often. The down side to this is that I work with mostly men, and the girls I DO work with seem disinterested. So I don’t share them as often as I would like.
Meow its time for a signature section of mine called…
Nuthin’s Vogon Poetry Corner
Today I would like to share with you a little gem that I havn’t written yet, so I had better start.
…and here it is!!
Senility is Bliss
roses are red
tacos are pink
I saw my gran nekkid
now I need a shrink
Water is blue
fire is red
I dont understand
how grandpas not dead
mustard is yellow
lettuce is green
you cannot unsee
what has been seen
Salt is to sprinkle
pepper to grind
I bet grandpas thankful
hes almost blind
Gran struts proud nekkid
says shes in her prime
Gran doesnt care
**takes deep bow**
OK people I has to go, work is over and it’s time for supper, and I shant be late.
Talk at cha later!