Posts tagged global warming

W.W.O.S.

5

Last week I revealed to the world my change in stance regarding global warming, and I promise we’ll come back to that before this blog’s over.

But in the meantime, I think it needful for me to retract some of the bile and venom that I’ve directed towards our Commander in Chief. Watching him stump for Coakley is Massachusetts while the rest of the world was mindlessly fixated on the pain and suffering in Haiti has given me cause to pause.

I mean, let’s face it: the major media outlets have been pumping that footage into our sight holes 24/7, all weekend long!

Obama, however, chose to stand by his dear personal friend and political ally, Martha Coakley. Now that’s friendship for ya!

And why shouldn’t he? He is a brilliant campaigner! I mean, isn’t that what being a “community organizer” is all about? And to THINK that my right wing extremist, tea-baggin’ buddies were once cynical about the qualifications a community organizer had to be the POTUS!

They clearly failed to to take into account the fact that he was also a Senator!

I’m already off point, though.

The immediate point being: surely there is nothing about Obama stumping for Coakley that could possibly have a single thing to do with some Leftist — how dare some say? — “Marxist” agenda.

Am I wrong???

. . .

The bigger point being: as I look back at the past year it’s impossible to not notice some of the conservative watchdog groups who have been deriding the Obama administration for playing the “blame game.”

As we look at the world around us, it really needs to be done with the past in mind. To learn how something has come to be, you HAVE to understand from whence it came.

I mean, take a look at the economy … we are literally bleeding out red ink like we never have in the history of this nation!

Unemployment has soared to the highest levels they’ve been in most young voters lifetimes!

We are facing deficits that have simply been heretofore unknown and in amounts so massive that the common man cannot fully wrap his brain around their enormity!

Detroit — in fact, the entire U.S. automotive industry — is against the ropes, taking what seems their last gasp of breath.

Banks are falling by the wayside … big banks, little banks, even one of the largest investment banking firms on the planet went, as some might say, tits up.

For whatever it’s worth, I really don’t endorse the use of that term. It’s really quite sexist.

BUT ANYHOW …

Think about the above financial ailments, though …

Lehman Brothers went under in September of 2008. Obama wasn’t even in office.

Well, tell me … what is one to think?

To dove-tail off a popular religious trend of recent years: W.W.O.S.

What Would Obama Say?

“We inherited this economy from the previous administration.”

Ahhhhhh … I see!

It’s G-Dub’s fault!

Yeahhhhh … come on, admit it … when you really look back at those 8 years, is it really all that hard to believe that The Dub didn’t have his moments of being Commander in Spleef?

That sure would explain a lot of things!

I mean, not that I’m making a big stink out of smoking the ol’ stink weed. I mean, the Chinese have been smoking weed for almost 5,000 years.

Of course, outside of fireworks, they’ve not really done a lot as a society …

Well, the O.C.D. thing definitely kicked into high gear … thus the Great Wall.

Or was that just paranoia?

Let’s try that again …

Hey, the Declaration of Independence was written on hemp paper!

Party on, James Madison!

But anyhow …

Since we’re on the subject of blame, and since marijuana is blamed for things such as lack of motivation, forgetfulness, etc. Let’s see IF there’s a chance that a stoned POTUS could possibly be caught “asleep behind the wheel.”

. . .

(ps: all the pics from here on out can be clicked on to view a larger version of the same image … for you “inquiring minds that want to know” …)

. . .

Barney Frank and his merry band of turd burglers engineered the whole sub-prime mortgage thing.

But under whose watchful eyes did they pull that off?

G-Dub!

Hmmm.

What about …

Wall Street ?

The collapse of Lehman Bro’s …

which, thusly, pushed AIG to the very ledge of failure …

Banks closing everywhere …

All of that happened under WHOSE WATCH?

G-Dub!

Yeah.

Are you trackin’ with me here yet?

. . .

What about …

Energy ?

The price of crude oil sky-rocketed to an unprecedented high of $147 per barrel in July of 2008.

In less than 8 short years, crude oil prices went from a steady average of LESS THAN $20 per barrel …

To an eye-watering, SEVENTY FOLD increase in price that absolutely crippled the average American with unbearably high gasoline prices.

Who stood to benefit from all of this?

Arabs, of course … but they’re just filthy, camel loving, Jihad happy, goat bumpers. We have goat bumpers here at home that SOME people would be happy to help see they got taken care of?

Who might I be referring to?

Where does American oil wealth reside?

Texas.

And who came from Texas?

(apart from Dick Cheney, the man obviously pulling the puppet’s strings)

Could it have been …

G-Dub!

Yeahhhhh …

making sense, isn’t it?

How about … oh, I dunno …

Teh Interwebs!

Walk with me, talk with me … let’s give this one a little thought.

Prior to the Clinton administration, the proliferation of malicious Trojan horse software and Worms was, for all intents and purpose, unheard of.

Internet porn?

Parents pretty much only had nothing much to worry about back in those older days of lore. Most predators were busy using the internet to find newly opened schools to stalk because kids weren’t on the computer.

SRSLY … there was actually a day when computers were VERY un-cool and were only used by insecure little geeks who had no life.

Look at the world today. In just the past decade, internet porn has become a mainstay industry, internet child predation has reached epidemic proportions …

This all happened WHEN?

The past decade!

Under whose watchful eye?

G-Dub!

Since we’re focusing on some of Al Gore’s more infamous inventions, let’s talk about …

GLOBAL WARMING!

To be really blunt about it, the weather was actually somewhat predictable and normal while under Clinton’s watch.

However …

Look back at just the past decade and tell me what’s been the REAL case?

Glacial melting …

* * *

Unprecedented numbers of …

Earthquakes!


(by inference we can deduce that Bush was responsible for Haiti last week too!)

Not to speak of the unprecented outbreaks of …

Tornado’s

as let us not forget …

Volcanic Eruptions!

and the intense seismic activity associated with these ever-increasing number if earthquakes and volcanic eruptions continues right up to today, January 2010. Go do a little news search on the number of volcanos that have sparked up in just the past month.

but anyhow …

In the past decade we’ve also witnessed …

Insane Wind Storms Sweeping Europe …

and, as all of us also know, the true toll to the weather in the fight with Global Warming has been the ubiquitous …

Hurricanes …

All this in the past decade, and under whose watchful eye?

President’s Bush & Bush in New Orleans immediately after Katrina

Yeah, another stoner moment.

It all makes sense to me now.

(told ya I’d get back to global warming!)

. . .

The News as Viewed Askew (January 15th, 2010)

17

So, there I was … it was a beautiful Saturday morning in a tranquil, nondescript corner of the broccoli forest. I arose from my slumber, ever so slowly rose myself to a seated position on the edge of the couch and stared at my dog, Sparky, for a few minutes. She was enthusiastically engaged licking herself.

But let’s not even go there …

So, I made my way up the stairs and attempted to rid myself of the taste of sewage and cigarettes from my mouth (the guys and I made a bit of a late night of it last night). At some point not terribly long thereafter I finally made my way to the office.

As is my habit, I took a little time this morning to peruse the news and what did my eyes spy?

That’s right, sports fans!

Grab your reality polarizing glasses …

… it’s time once again …

. . .

… to see the world through Buck’s eyes!

J’yup, that’s right, kiddies … it’s the long awaited return of the news as viewed askew, the on-again, off-again, randomly-something-monthly, episodic indulgences of news visitations that remind us:


This episode is dedicated to the mental midgets (the “ra’tards”, if you will) of this planet who’ve decided to “go there” with absolutely mind-numbingly inane displays of body modification.

The early 2010 candidate for “Most Retarded Tattoo EVER!” is this guy…

 

Yeah, so get this …

As it turns out, that video hit the internet barely a week ago and it has already garnered over a half million views. According to The Telegraph UK,

“The clip on video file sharing site YouTube has attracted almost 500,000 views since it was posted earlier this week, but some viewers have questioned whether the film is a hoax.”

My first reaction was, “A HOAX?!?!? Dude, look at the rest of bizarre ink that boy’s sporting all over his neck!”

Of course, as is often the case with me … {gasp} … I spoke too quickly.

As it turns out, the question of it being a hoax had more to do with the source of the video than whether or not someone was monumentally stupid enough to have a pair of Ray-Ban styled eyeglass frames eternally etched into their face.

You see, the video was posted by “Never Hide Films”, a production company formed by renowned sunglass manufacturer, Ray-Ban. The question is whether this was a “paid for” stunt for the sake of publicity.

Who cares? I don’t.

I mean, seriously, what’s worse … getting paid to get ink, or getting paid to do THIS:

[twitch]

That ain’t riiiiiiiiiiiiiiight!

On a closing note, I do want to say that I think some tattoos are friggin’ AWESOME. I mean, take this one for example:

Seriously, is that not downright:

So anyhow … did you hear that the manager of Blackrock World Gold mutual fund, Graham Birch, quit his job and decided to become a dairy farmer?

This has absolutely nothing to do with the last video … or one can only hope … but anyhow …

I only mention that because it’s important to not get caught up in the bullshit and hype of the media, etc. The very fact that you see morons like Gordon “the Jurassic spy” Liddy taking money yo make a commercial telling you that NOW is the time to buy gold is EXACTLY the reason you want to do just the opposite. If something, especially as it relates to investing, makes it onto the cover of magazines or TV commercials, I can assure you that it’s too late.

Just ask the people who jumped in to crude oil futures in mid 2008 when oil reached an all-time high of $147 per barrel. Remember all the “experts” and talking heads on the T.V. who were calling for $300/bbl oil? Yeah, I read tons of the same nonsense in a lot of the financial publications too. Remember, just a mere year ago crude got down to $30.

And I have NO idea where I was going with this, so just let’s move on, shall we?

I really was in the mood to do a news thang today, but it’s just not working out very well. So, since this was an otherwise boring week …

… unless you’re a geek like me and enjoyed some of the spectacular photography of the annular eclipse on Thursday, that made it almost a newsworthy week. Well, that, and the unimaginable number of volcanic eruptions and earth quakes. You gotta admit, that’s a touch disturbing.

Oh, that and the cocaine they found in the space shuttle hangar.  WTF is that all about? Re we running some sort of interplanetary drug ring now or what?

Obama … sheesh.

The other day I was enjoying a few tasty beverages and a few rounds of Golden Tee during happy hour at Spanky’s with Mikey, Jim and Possum.

Mikey (the good man who directed us to the ninja parade video the other day) was – yet AGAIN – re-telling a particular episode from our days when we played pool almost 7 days a week. He was blathering on about a bunch of nonsense about all sorts of goofy things, to include — but not limited to — half of the first floor of a hotel being flooded.

During his retelling of said episode he made the comment, “he had enough to drink to kill TWO people!”

I raised my finger to interrupt at that point and interjected with, “Well … I don’t know about two humans, but a sickly horse? … Yeah, probably.”

You must be wondering where I’m going with this.

Believe it or not, that little anecdotal story was my way of getting you primed to be surprised.

Buck Believes in Global Warming!

That’s right. Believe it or not, despite all of Al Gore’s hot air and unfathomably stupid remarks and claims, I have finally fallen to the dark side and have embraced the TRUTH about Global Warming.

As many of you know, I have been an ardent believer in the cause of the environment. Granted, I’ve been more than a little critical of Greenpeace and certain other radical kooks out there, but I’ve always been four square against this whole idea of global warming.

So, what, you may ask, has brought about such a drastic change?

Well, to a lesser extent, there was the matter of the thermal, color-enhanced satellite photo I shared with you the other day. The more I reflected back on that image the more it occurred to me that all of the extreme weather most of us in the northern hemisphere in recent weeks is probably due to the extreme rise in surface temperatures within the arctic circle.

But something even more intense than that has been the fact that I am now a first hand witness to the horrifically fast-paced melting of the greater Loudoun glacier.

Even before the invention of mankind and beer … one might even be safe in saying since the dawn of time … the world has been graced with the beauty and grandeur that is …

The Greater Loudoun Glacier

(artist’s impression of the Greater Loudoun glacier, circa July 2009)

In just the past month alone I have been witness to a series of bizarre events that have lead me to believe that Al Gore is, right …

Man-bear-pig is truly amongst us!

Granted, I personally have not yet witnessed a real man-bear-pig, but give me a few moments to elaborate before judging me.

For starters, look at what one week has reduced the Greater Loudoun county glacier to:

SRSLY! That’s not good … heck, that’s downright bad!

Here, check out this close-up:

See that “salt line” that’s more than a foot away from what’s left of our once great and monumental glacier? That happened just between Monday and Wednesday of this past week!

But that’s not all …

A few mere weeks ago, my friend, Mike Rez, was attacked and was almost brutally eaten alive by a snow shark!

Now, I know you might think I’m being a little melodramatic when I say something like, “and almost brutally eaten alive” but it’s the TRUTH!

“Dumufuggijn TROOF” I tell ya!

Just as the snow shark (Larry’s his name, in case you were wondering) was broaching the snow-line, I caught a glint of movement in my peripheral vision.

It all happened faster than I could focus, but from the east side of the Shack there was a flesh-toned blur dashing across the snow. As I shifted my vision to towards the right, the flesh -toned blur then leapt into the air, barreling towards Larry (he’s the snow shark, just in case you missed that earlier)

Right before my very eyes was a surprise visitation by one of the most elusive and rarely witnessed animals known to man … mere seconds before he rammed headlong into the snout of the snow shark …

It was …

SNOW PIG!


Snow Pig to the rescuuuuuuue!

Now, before you get all hysterical and start demanding action from the Dictator in Chief, Barack Obama, and his merry band of communists that we know as the United Nations, let me clue you in on a little secret …

These last few pages have had absolutely nothing to do with the news. I’m just making this shit up to kill a little time.

Come on, you actually believe in global warming, the internet and man-bear-pig?

Sheesh … what, are you a moron?!?

I mean, seriously, the world is weird enough already

Oh holy crap … I’m missing the Cardinals / Saints game! I gotta go.

Have a great weekend, boys and girls.

Bundle up, stay warm, don’t work up too rough of a hangover on this beautiful holiday weekend and until next time …

PEACE OFF [FAUX CURSE] !


“Larry” the SnowShark is a creation and the intellectual property of SharkBait Media Productions. Thanks to Mike Rezabek for leasing him to us!

Atmospheric Conditions …

5

In case you haven’t noticed, the weather has been anything but fun of late.

I mean , holy hell, I awoke this morning to a local news channel on the television and they were talking about freezing temperatures yet again in central and southern Florida.

Seriously, freezing there is pretty much one step from the proverbial snowflake’s chances of landing in hell.

Now … rather than find cause to snicker at Al Gore because his global warming invention is clearly having a bout of pubescent rebellion, let’s sit down, pour ourselves a pint, take a deep breath and then take a big ol’ bite of a reality sandwich, shall we?

Yeah, I went there … a reality sandwich.

Ever had to take a bite of one of those?

Do you even know what the main ingredient is in a reality sandwich?

Apart from the bread, of course. I mean, you are aware that bread is actually NOT a food group? Yeah, it’s a condiment. In fact, to many it is seen as nothing more than a decoration, but we’ll save the culinary poop slinging for another time.

I’m here to talk about WHY the weather is so particularly brutal of late.

Surely you’ve had to have noticed that this is, already, one of the coldest winters in recent memory. Just here in sulky northern Virginia we’ve had sub-freezing daytime highs and HOWLING winds for over a week now.

Overnight temperatures in Florida are dropping so low that the local iguana population are literally falling out of the trees!

Imagine a group of little girls walking to school and having THAT fall on one of their heads!

Hahahahahaha … oh my, that’d be a hoot.

But anyhow … yeah, with Igunadids being cold blooded animals, the extreme low temperatures slow their metabolism so much that they lose all coordination and simply drop out of the trees like over-ripened coconuts!

And it’s not just the U.S. that is experiencing this extreme weather. Oh no, it’s a planetary phenomenon!

Floods in Brazil …

* * *

Freakish storm clouds in Uraguay!

* * *

Quasi-apocolyptic droughts in China …

Seriously … WHAT THE DEUCE?!?!?!

right?

* * *

So, what IS at the root of this insanely unexpected twist in atmospheric realities?

Well, I can tell ya what’s up …

Snow Cow is PISSED!

Yes, we gone and done it now, folks!

His ineffable name and his sacred image have been cast into a marketing ploy for a bunch of … [ugh], I’m not even gonna say it!!!!

Yeah, “ineffable” … his name’s really not snow cow … you know this, right? I mean, god is not God’s name either. It’s a euphemism … I have a problem with being reprimanded for “taking the lord’s name in vain” when I’ve said “god dammit!”

Go ahead, go look it up. Quite frankly, knowing specifically what the word means will help you get the smile you’re intended to get when I use phrases such as, “and let’s see if we cannot eff it after all!”

Ok, good, you’re back …

I’m not even going to give this ungrateful sub-human any recognition. I will simply state that Snow Cow is aware of what has happened and what you and I are witnessing today is the “ah hell” that is breaking loose as a result.

And now, a word from our sponsor …

I stumbled across an article this week that, shockingly, reported that men — on average — think about sex 13 times a day.

Yeah, 13 times a day – for a total of 4,745 times every year. Quite frankly, that seems a bit on the low side to me, but I’ve never really been one to pine on such details.

This particular study also went on to report that the average man actually reports having sex an average of twice a week, or 104 times a year.

Dogs must be able to read minds …

I mean, as soon as I paused to consider this unexpectedly impressive number … my dog, Sparky, shot me this crazy, raised eye-brow, “W T F” look that about made me cry from laughing so hard.

But were they really tears of laughter?

Wow, twice a week!

Really?

Sadly, I’ve been married more than once. Life’s strange that way sometimes, but thanks to the advent of relative morality and the wonders of a primarily hedonistic society, I am not alone in in this department and, therefore, feel almost as if I should feel at ease.

But anyhow … my point was that I have been on both sides of the marital divide in my adventures as rogue man-child and career prodigal. I’ve been counted amongst those who took the final step of purchasing the proverbial cow, and returned — a more experienced and jaded soul — back to the murky waters of the shamelessly unattached.

But then it occurred to me, one could take the pragmatic approach and average the number of conjugal encounters … but after enough time, twice a week still seems rather unrealistic. Granted, the Spousal Unit and I actually placed a quarter in a large jar every time we … uh … yeah … and on our first anniversary the quarter count was an impressive number. Very impressive, actually.

All the same, it occurred to me that the demographic might well be skewed towards the generation roughly half my four and one half decades.

Sparky, again reading my mind, cocked her head and shot me another one of those humorously confused looks.

So as to not awake the Spousal Unit, I whispered back, “Yeah, the younger one is, the less likely they are to score very often.”

Something foul was definitely afoot at the Circle K …

Of course, the participants in said survey very well may have been including the semi ineffable subject of the all too well known reality ofttimes referred to as being, “two partners shy of a threesome.”

The news article, towards its close, further went on to say, “Researchers also found one in three guys think a candlelit dinner is the best way of getting a woman in the mood, followed by a relaxing massage.”

Yeah, it was at this point that I knew for certain  … that twice a week number was definitely inclusive of handshakes with the little Governor!

* * *

But anyhow … what in the world were we talking about?!?!?!

Oh, yeah … Snow Cow. Sorry about that digression … I sometimes feel that I have this moral imperative from on high, some sense of responsibility to share with those I love the things I learn from the news and/or The Discovery Channel. That’s the reason I stopped to have that little word about the study showing that men think about sex almost 5,000 times a year.

Again, is it just me or does that number seem REALLY LOW???

What prompted that was another article that documented the published the results of a long term (over 16 years) study. The study showed that men who had sex at least twice a week cut their chance of heart disease IN HALF!

Did you catch that? Cut the chances of a heart attack in half!

Sex has long been regarded as good for physical and mental health. Until now there has been little scientific research into what benefits, if any, that frequent intercourse might have on major illnesses such as heart disease. Scientists at the New England Research Institute in Massachusetts, tracked the sexual activity of men aged between 40 and 70 who were taking part in a long-term project which began back in 1987.

So, there you have it. Men who have sex (with a partner, mind you) twice a week or more stand 45% less of a chance of suffering a heart attack than their less fortunate counterparts.

And what is the lesson to be gleaned from all of this?

Women are obviously out to kill us.

But I digress …

Wow, I’ve run out of time once again. Daggonit … I think it’s vital that I reveal the identity of Snow Cow. Our world is at risk and anarchy is right around the corner!

OH WAIT!!!!

Those of you that have been around my blogs for almost any length of time surely have picked up on my loathing of Green Peace. Don’t get me wrong, I LOVE our planet, and I am a big believer that we have a morally bound duty to be good stewards of this beautiful home we’ve been given.

But anyhow …

Green Peace … nothing but a bunch of idiots and hippies (both of the aged and neo-wanna-be types) who are being led and funded by a bunch of communist subvertists …

Stay on point, Buck … stay on point!

Those minions of satan were recently donated a near priceless tri-maran to help them hunt down Japanese “research vessels” …

Seriously, that is just nuts, is it not???

That donation was in late 2009 … mere weeks ago, actually.

So, the folks at Green Peace, now feeling invincible with their aquatic Batmobile, storm off onto the high seas in search of … dun,dun,DUUNNNNNN … fishing vessels.

Of course, leave it to a Green Peacer to not even stop to consider the fact that when you try to intimidate a Japanese fishing vessel, it’s probably a pretty safe bet that the captain of said vessel is gonna be … wait for it … Japanese!

And you know where Japanese men come from, right?

Yeah, Japan … and what is Japan famous for?

Yeah … Ninjas.

And those aren’t even specially trained, card-carrying, registered weapons of death Ninjas, those are just a group of freaking Japanese FIREFIGHTERS!

Dude, if it comes from Japan it may as well have a sticker on it that reads:
(you’ll want to imagine the Intel logo for this one)

Ninja
Inside!

* * *

So, anyhow, yeah … some mental midget from Green Peace decides he’s going to take on a Japanese fishing vessel (again, obviously manned by a ninja) in a game of high seas chicken.

as one of the Spousal Unit’s best friends would say:

DUMBASS!

* * *

Well, hell … now I HAVE run out of time.

Make no doubt about it. Snow Cow is pissed and I dare say he ain’t done with his reign of terror.

I promise to talk more about Snow Cow and what we can do to quiet his angry soul.

He’s actually a rather kind soul, but he’s a jealous snow cow and does not like his likeness being used for something so unthinkable and lowly.

Until then, my dear reader …

PEACE OFF!

Put on your boots, sports fans

10

Strange days, indeed.

Here we are in the midst of some serious Global Warm . . . uh . . . ya know, now that I think about … when I was kid in grade school — back in sunny old southern California — our teachers, mostly a mellow-yellow lot of Woodstock victims still in recovery, used to get us all freaked out about the coming Ice Age.

Quite likely even in our lifetime!

And the more I start thinking about it, it occurs to me that this was right about the time where Al Gore says he created the Internet.

“Hmmm,” says one little corner of my mind to another (who’s label shall remain withheld), “this is most curious, is it not?”

The Ineffable corner replies, “Indeed, sire, it is . . . it is most curious, indeed!”

Fast forward through the bizarre decade or so that unfolded . . .

And man, did Billy Joel nail that one right with that video? The 70’s nad 80’s were a really intense blur.

Then again, maybe it was Utah …

So anyhow …

In the midst of that veritable whirlwind that was the aforementioned decades, something strange happened.

The U.N. — outspoken critics of nationalism and far much more, schemed up an idea whereby the evil Capitalists might some day be coerced to relinquish their wealth.

Carbon tax … oh, wait, hold on … tax is such an ugly word. Let’s label it …

CARBON CREDITS!

But let’s save a more in-depth pursuit of such things for my “serious” blog around the corner from here.

What I want to blather about this afternoon is just some of what’s been factually going on in regards to this whole matter of … I mean, what IS the euphemism du jour for Global Warming? I mean, the flippant use of the term, “climate change” is laughable enough. Of COURSE climate change is occurring, dummy! It does that, all day, every day of every week of every month of every single stinking year that has ever been or ever will be to come!

Climate Changes!

Wow, what a heady concept.

I mean, what on Earth could have caused those previous ice ages? Seriously, glaciers have clearly expanded and retreated repeatedly over the ages, have they not?

Oh, yeah … they have!

Let’s not get conflicted with petty little matters such as the fact that our dear “mother Gaia” belches and farts the most toxic gasses imaginable into the atmosphere on a regular basis.

~ ~ ~

OH MAN!!!! I wish I’d had my camera with me just now. I let my little Jack Russell terrier, Sparky, out to pee … and she pranced across the deck and leapt off onto where the lawn usually is. I leaned over to see her, as she’d disappeared, and all there was waws this little black set of nostrils peering back, snorting.

It was straight up like the infamous scene from Scarface!!!!

It was HILLARIOUS!

~ ~ ~

But anyhow, since this isn’t the serious blog page and it is not my intent to wax acidic, let’s just take see if there’s some humor or irony to be found in this strange twist of “unquestionable” global cooling theory cum “unquestionable man-made global warming” theory.

I mean, the headline shot round the world today was, “UN hails climate deal as ‘essential beginning’!”

So anyhow …

You heard that the Pope of the church of Anthropogenic Global Warming spoke to the masses at COP15 in Copenhagen this week, right?

Yesss, he did!

gore-ap-article_1498960c

And don’t go getting all angry with me about the spiritual references. Al HIMSELF proclaimed,

“This is not a political issue, or a scientific issue or a psychological issue … it’s a moral issue. If anything it’s actually a spiritual issue.”

But anyhow … faux-Pope Gore claimed that new computer modelling suggests there is a 75 per cent chance of the entire polar ice cap melting during the summertime by 2014.

Yeah, seriously … a SEVENTY FIVE percent chance that the polar ice caps will MELT by the summer of 2014.

Actually, we should first let Al speak for himself:

“These figures are fresh, I just got them yesterday.

“Some of the models suggest to Dr. Maslowski that there is a 75 per cent chance that the entire polar ice cap during some of summer months could be completely ice free within five to seven years.”

The crowd gasped in shock!

Al continued with a plea …

“There are more than a billion people on the planet who get more than half of their drinking water – many of them all of their drinking water – from the seasonal melting of snow melt and glacier ice.”

Wow … did that remind you the least bit of THIS precious moment?

I mean, seriously … that was right up there with the Brooks Shields epiphany that, “and if you’re killed, you’ve lost a really important part of your life!”

ANYHOW …

So there’s Al, giving us the fresh scoop — the inside dope as it were — that some of these models suggest to Dr. Maslowski that the polar ice caps could be gone in a mere few years!

Dr. Maslowski, however, really took one heck of a piss on the coals of Al’s marshmallow roast when he immediately announced that he had no clue what Al was talking about nor could he even imagine at how such a conclusion could have been reached.

OOPS! I did it again!

Britney-spears

. . .

Well, sports fans, the phone just rang and it’s time for this ol’ Buck to make himself all pretty and prepare to enjoy some of this beaitful snowy weather with the lovely and overly happy Spousal Unit. She lights up about this sort of weather even more than I do!

So, until the next time that we cross paths and attempt to make one or the other smile, laugh, chuckle or stutter …

PEACE OFF!

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Involuntary Releases of Artistic Ignorance …

12

Have you seen any of the recent “brain fart” commercial from kgb?

Check it out if you haven’t …

That one absolutely cracked me up … if for no other reason than I grew up hearing that term quite regularly (my dad often made a gallant effort at covering for my stupidity when Mom saw it for what it really was, “Naw, honey … the boy just had a brain fart, that’s all”).

Anyhow … I was actually trying to go somewhere with this thought …

Ah, yes … Global Warming, that was it … (I know, I know … the latest, PC euphemism is “climate change”)

Here recently, the Royal Academy (in the U.K.) opened a new display entitled, “Earth: Art of a Changing World.” The show is themed around global warming and the feature artist is Tracey Emin, age 46, pictured below with some of her recent work:

emin-1_1534672i

She looks overjoyed, does she not? I only wish I knew what was handwritten below those cheesy looking birds! (btw: is anyone even proud of the fact that I actually looked beyond the boobs and even noticed the penciled writing? Granted, my initial thought was, “does that say, ‘now go throw your semen at any one’ … ???”)

But anyhow …

So, what REALLY crossed my mind was, why was the lovely Tracey Emin chosen as the featured artist? As fate would have it, I stumbled across an explanation in her own words mere moments later …

I’m not a good person. I’m a bad advert. I take too many planes… I keep my heating on all day and night because I get really cold and I’m scared of the dark so I sleep with the light on”

I see … it all makes perfect sense now. (if you were here with me now, you’d surely notice my left eyelid twitching … albeit mildly, but twitching all the same)

. . .

. . .

The lovely miss Emin is not the only artist on display … also included are works by the likes of Antony Gormley …

gormley_1534677i

And yes, I’m crapping you negative … the display, entitled, “Amazonian Field”, is comprised of nothing more than hundreds upon hundreds of retarded looking clay figures that fill a more-than-modest sized room.

Ya know, I could sum up this whole matter of Global Warming AND modern “art” with the following masterpiece:

bullshit_pile

(yes, that IS a massive pile of cow patties … or, in the common vernacular, a GIANT PILE OF BULL SHIT!)

And yes, I also realize that the terms “cow” and “bull” are not entirely interchangeable. This is doubly true when it comes to the matter of milking …

BUT ANYHOW …

. . .

I hope you’ve been enjoying the recent entries from Buck’s World’s newest resident alien, Nuthin. I’ve known our flack jacketed super-hero at a distance for … well, it’s been a few years now, I suppose … and, for whatever reason, it wasn’t until I made the break from MySpace that he and finally hit it off.

And yes, there’s a reason I mention him … in fact, I would like to think that I rarely blather without a purpose. In fact, one of my most over-used lines over the years when I’ve hosted various interactive type forums was, “The point here is to have a point.” My good friend Emma might remember that line being used when we hosted a show on the MPlayer network. People that were being moronic, or just being otherwise pointless, would hear parting words, “Hey, @$$hole, the point here is to HAVE A POINT!”

At which point the room moderator (aka: the acting Evil Overlord) would drop the gavel and terminate that person’s connection to our audio “chat room.”

Good times! … Good times, indeed.

But anyhow …

My buddy, Nuthin, in a moment of “ebrius prudentia” closed his last blog post with:

Epilepsy-Seize The Day

Which, yet again, caused me to drift back to days gone by.

Any of you remember the Little Caesars pizza joints?

little-caesars-logo

There was cute little cartoon dude in the Roman get-up that’d blurt out, “PIZZA! PIZZA!” at the end of the commercials?

Well … years ago, I was having one of my little “twitch moments” … a phenomenon that the Spousal Unit applies the euphemism “inner chill” when she has one … whilst watching that same commercial … and I was, at once, smitten with the idea for my OWN little chain of pizza and sandwich shops!

little-seizures-logo. . .

Buuuuuuuuuuuuuut anyhow …

. . .

Since twitching and seizures seems to have become the theme du jour …

Have you heard about the performance artist / actress in the U.K. who willingly went off of her epilepsy meds a little under a month ago? Yeah, seriously … she’s grown rather appalled at the “rubber necking” mentality and the — as she refers to it — “voyeuristic nature” of people who Google or YouTube epileptic seizures.

Again, I am CRAPPIN’ YOU NEGATIVE!

Samantha-Fox-500x819-82kb-media-133-media-0107

OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOPS …

Sorry, sorry … wrong picture. This is about epileptics, seizures and all of that other good, fun stuff … not camel toes and buxomality …

This part of the story is about Rita Marcalo …

epileptic_1526901c(wow, talk about going from one extreme to another …)

Here’s the deal … Rita Marcalo (said performance artist / dancer / actress) has stopped taking her epilepsy medication for the express purpose of a production she has loving titled … wait for it ..

WAIT FOR IT …

Involuntary Dances.

Yup, once again, I am crappin’ you negative!

She claims she is doing this to “raise awareness of the condition.”

She will use strobe lighting, fasting and raising her body temperature to try and bring about a seizure. People are invited to film her at the theatre in the U.K. where she will be … uh … “performing” these involuntary dances.

Miss Marcalo was quoted as saying:

“One of the reasons I am doing this is because epilepsy is an invisible disability. As an artist I am very interested in this idea of doing something in my art that is the opposite of what I do in my life. In my own life it is private but in art I make it public.

“If you Google or YouTube `epileptic seizures’ you come up with all kinds of mobile phone footage which has been filmed without the patients’ consent. Part of me doing this is to address the voyeurism. I am saying, I am choosing to let you do this.”

The audience, restricted to people over the age of 18, will be provided with sleeping bags and breakfast and — get this — will be woken by a siren the moment she suffers a seizure so they can record it on their mobile phones.

Oh, and did I mention that she this “performance art” is being funded by a $23,000 grant?

And I can’t get research funding to drink beer and burp my worm???

Wow …

. . .

And finally … in recognition the hard work that the modern day school system invests in blowing smoke into orifices where smoke simply does not belong … check out this little gem that was sent to the parents of students of a Bacalava, Ontario school’s the 7th grade science class:

Dear parent/Guardians,

The Grade 7 Science classes are nearing the completion for the unit Pure Substances and Mixtures. In this unit, students have been introduced to the Particle Theory of Matter, and to some of the terminology related to the field of chemistry. They have also been given the opportunity to explore, and conduct experiments related to the properties of solutions and mechanical mixtures.

At this time all students are encouraged to discuss with you the content and expectations of the culminating task along with how it will be assessed. This culminating task allows students to demonstrate the knowledge and skills that he/she has learned throughout the module. Although students are responsible to independently complete this task, we would very much appreciate your assistance for the experimenting component, as students require access to a kitchen and some ingredients to develop their own mixture.

Thank you in advance for your interest and co-operation.

Translation: The children were making cupcakes at home as their “science project.”

. . .

Which brings us right back to where we started: Brain Farts and bull shit …

. . .

Until next time, sports fans …

Wait: speaking of bull shit, I’d like you to SERIOUSLY reconsider all the shit we’ve been force fed about this so-called “man made climate change” … remember the crap about how HUMANS are somehow pushing polar bears to the brink of extinction? As it turns out, that too was total and complete bovine excrement as well. Most populations are growing … and those that aren’t are currently engaged in brutal acts of cannibalism!

Don’t believe me?

Well, in that case …

PEACE OFF, FAUX CURSE!

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Banal Lube

5

I realize this goofy pun of a title doesn’t pronounce quite right, but that, too, can be a wonderful part of the written word; visually, the double-entendre still works, if only for a brief moment.

But anyhow …

Today’s little forray into the strange and scarely explored land of common sense is brought to you by the letter “O” …

But we’ll get back to that in a little while …

What the hell happened to the world while I was away for a few days with my sons?

We now have terrorists who were transferred from Guantanamo Bay to enjoy their “constitutional right” of facing their accuser in a court of law in New York City. Meanwhile, we have three Navy SEAL’s being arraigned the week after next for allegedly “abusing” a terrorist they captured back in September.

The captured terrorist was Ahmed Hashim Abed, the mastermind behind the ambush of four Blackwater employees in Iraq in 2004 who were transporting supplies for a catering company when they were ambushed and killed. Their bodies were subsequently burned and then dragged through the city of Fallujah. Two of the bodies were finally hung on a bridge over the Euphrates River.

fallujah-2004-Blackwater-contractors

Here’s the real kicker: the detainee was originally turned over to Iraqi authorities, to whom Abed filed the abuse complaints. He was later returned to American custody. Something tells me the Iraqi authorities sort of expected this “problem” to simply go away, but noooooooo … terrorists have rights too, dontcha know?

The complaint filed claims that while being apprehended, Abed was punched in the stomach and also had a bloodied lip.

I’m crapping you negative.

W … T … F ?!?!?!?!?!?!

Global War … er, I mean, Climate Change, Update …

After years of being bullied and silenced by the forces of political correctness, more and more prominent scientists are standing up and exposing the hoax that is global warming.

Before I blather into my next diatribe, there IS something I want you to carry away from this short segment:

Polar core samples have unequivocally proven that carbon dioxide levels FOLLOW periods of global warming rather than precede them.

ANYHOW … the “Greenies” are, much like their icon Al Gore, not the type to allow little annoyances such as the facts to get in the way. According to Lachezar Filipov, deputy director of the Space Research Institute of the Bulgarian Academy of Sciences, Bulgarian government scientists have been in contact with extra-terrestrial aliens.  He claims that the aliens are currently in the process of answering 30 different questions that have been posed to them.

In fact, these researchers are currently analyzing 150 crop circles from around the world, which they believe are attempts by said aliens to answer said 30 questions.

Mr. Filipov told Bulgarian media, “Aliens are currently all around us, and are watching us all the time.”

alien-10

Great, as if Santa weren’t bad enough, we got some creepy-ass aliens watching us all the time too????

Filipov blathered on, “They are not hostile towards us, rather, they want to help us but we have not grown enough in order to establish direct contact with them.”

Haven’t grown enough? Do tell, Mr. Filipov, whatsoever do you mean?

According to Mr. Filipov, the extraterrestrials are critical of humanity’s “interference in nature’s processes.”

Really now?!??! [insert Sam Kinison-like chuckle here]

Are you even believing this shit?

On the lighter side …

bear-finn_switzerland

The moron pictured above (no, not the bear) decided he wanted to have a picnic with the bear (also pictured above). Turns out the bear was none to fond of his advances and forthwith began to summarily maul said uninvited picniceer.

(yeah, I went there … “picniceer”)

Police quickly responded by shooting the bear with numerous fragmentation rounds, thusly killing the bear.

Police and zoo officials say there has been an outpouring of public sympathy – for the bear.

I hope you caught the post from our newest blogger, Nuthin. Scroll down to the next article and give it a read. Oh, and make sure to leave a comment too, will ya?

Well, I should be getting along now. The boys should be done with their outing with Grandmom any time now. I cannot believe they have faced the slings and arrows of these mentally deranged “Black Friday” shoppers.

black-friday_1532109i

Sorry Mom … but it had to be said.

What better way to commemorate the only legitimate holiday left on the calendar, huh? We go from thanking God for all of the goodness in our life to a day filled with insane, angry shoppers everywhere looking for a “bargain.” Maybe the Jews are somehow behind all of this.

Who knows?

(Juuust kidding … I mean, hey … Jesus was a Jew too, ya know? Surely, a follower of the Son of God Himself (me == wayward follower) is not going to implicate himself / myself with such baseless accusations.

Or would I?

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