Posts tagged Obama

Do you have any sense, sir?

15

Any sense? Are you kidding me? Of course I sense! In fact, here’s my two …

Though my experience seemingly limited, and my opinions perhaps deemed irrelevant; I, Buck’s Evil Underling, hereby humbly accept the gracious invitation to try-out for one of the coveted positions as a resident”stunt blogger.”

So get ready beeches, I’m OFF:

I suppose I should begin with a “formal” introduction of myself.

I’m “A”. At least that’s what my friends call me.

It’s better than being called the name mother nature (that slut) gave me: Anonymous.

Last name “Hoell.”

Yeah, yeah. You’re funny.

You think I’ve never gotten any shit about my name being A. Hoell?!

I was the bastard child of some random whore who left me at heaven’s gate. Sister Prudence apparently thought it prudent to allow me to maintain such a shitty name, I assume, because of her bitterness toward her own wretched title.

But then again Nuns aren’t ALL bad, I ‘spose…

CLICK TO ENLARGE!(as usual — and this time let’s do it with enthusiasm — click to enlarge!)

A redeeming quality, indeed. BUT I digress…

Sorry, I get distracted ALOT.

CLICK TO ENLARGE!

But back to my name..

Come on … we’re talking about My NAME … and  THIS blog …

God, can ya just look away for just a second???

thank you

And I mean. It wouldn’t have been so bad! A. Hoell.. Har har.

But when I somehow managed to keep “Anonymous” as my first name yet end up with “Sylvan Siberius” as DOUBLE middle names, I knew that lady muuust have wanted to fuck with me.  (I think ma’ was screwing Father So-and-So and her jealousy thus caused her to hate me.)

Again all theories.

So I am Mr. A. … aka: A. Hoell … aka: A. S. S. Hoell (as my license says) … aka: Mr. Anonymous, what have you.

Just don’t call me “late for dinner”

See? If I start with that, ALL my shit’s gonna seem pure comedic genius in comparison! 😉

What else is there that you should know about me?

I’m a man.

A straight man.

A “gay” joke may slip here and there. I don’t judge, nor do I hate. I just don’t understand…

CLICK TO ENLARGE!

I’m sorry. But don’t tell me I don’t know what a gay man feels like, I just forced out a power-poop that was ENTIRELY larger than I had previously anticipated… I now know.

I am, as you will all soon discover, a man of many passions. Like Buck himself, I am full of political ramblings, philosophical ditherings, and an endless flow of good ‘ol, home-baked vowel movements.

What else?

Sports.

I love sports!

I love basketball. Football. Whatever.

now that’s what I call a “soccer mom”!

Yes, sports give me that funny feeling in my tummy…

.

March Madness is in full swing…

My bracket’s already been raped up the a**, along with my chances at $500, but it’s fun to watch nonetheless! :-)

But more on THAT later.

As I still consider myself a young man, it is an interesting time to look at politics and see what my future has to hold.

And as a child of youth, I have an interesting perspective on the direction this country is being thrusted into by our beloved leadership.

CLICK TO ENLARGE!

I joke…

Kinda.

But don’t think me an irrational thinker. I’m merely a passionate expressionist.

I’ll make an extra effort not to be aesthetically pleasing you while screwing/ defacing you and your opinions in too rough a fashion..

CLICK TO ENLARGE!

But there is so much news to cover that it would take WAY too much of this blog, your attention spans, and my sanity to POSSIBLY go into it all, but there is just one but I thought was relevant…

I KNOW, I know. I’m too rough. I don’t give enough credit to all the “hard work” our elected officials put into their jobs..

I just don’t buy into the messiah complex of the “chosen one” we voted into office…

CLICK TO ENLARGE

Shooting stars will soon fall to earth. And he’ll land as a lame duck.

November’s coming, as is a revolution of sorts.

As a forewarning, I am equally as passionate and opinionated as Buck, so be ready for it!

So there is an infinite more to know about me, but that will have to do for now..

I believe my invitation to try out for a position as a Buck’s World stunt blogging extraordinaire because of our common love of …

BACON!!

Anyways, not only does March bring us March madness, it also ushers in the first official day of spring, which brings me back to MY thoughts of the day … in fact, the first of my two “sense”:

Legs are back!!

In case any of you live significantly South of the Mason-Dixon, there is a God-forsaken part of the year (traditionally referred to as “winter”) in which all legs, side breasts, shoulders, backs, and general eye candy are packed away or covered like some camel-F***ing, burka-wearing society in the Middle-East.

It’s a truly tragic part of the year.

But, praise Jesus, they’ve returned!!

CLICK TO ENLARGE!

Ah, and what a welcome return it is!!

There’s nothing QUITE like walking along on the first nice day of the year and seeing a perfectly shaped thigh for the first time.. It’s, it’s… downright special. Like being a 12yr old horn dog again! No being sly or tactful about it; When you see your first hot, young pair of legs in a given year, the eyes will be glued to such legs for at least, but not limited to, 7.65 seconds.

Or else you’re gay.

And believe me, we know who you are, “Mr. I’m_Stuck_in_the_Closet_but_Don’t_want_to_make_my_Guy_Friends_Uncomfortable”

We know.

CLICK TO ENLARGE!

(I think that last pic was worth clicking on, if you haven’t done so already)

And my second cent…

Last Christmas, I was sitting in front of yet ANOTHER shitty ABC Family “Christmas” film. Pondering how they continued to make these, and how they continued to make any money or attain a viewing audience at ALL…

The video quality has stayed pretty much the same since 1988, the acting is atrocious –featuring nobody you’ve ever heard of… For a reason– and it seems that the true purpose is to give you a cheap thrill (in this case “Christmas charm”) then put you to sleep.

That’s when it struck me:

Not 24 hours before, I had turned on an “After-dark” Cinemax special. Much like… No, identical to the Christmas special I was watching; the images of the cheesy, barely definable porn crossed the television screen.

You know what I mean…

CLICK TO ENLARGE!

Yeah, there.

Everyone’s first experience with the true beauty of “Premium movie channels.”

It’s there I discovered the vast conspiracy: Porno directors and Christmas special makers are the same people.

The similarities are undeniable. The truth, now exposed. At the youngest of ages, the same pornographers not economically able to purchase new cameras or screenplay producers create a societal norm of shitty filmmaking through ABC Family’s and Hallmark’s “Christmas Specials.”

Brilliance.

Well as a stunt man of blogging, I now find myself at the terminal end of  my inaugural blog.

Leave comments and I’ll try my VERY best to answer and reply as honestly as I possibly can manage..

CLICK TO ENLARGE!

Ah yes, honesty is a tricky virtue sometimes, is it not?

Have a great day!

Live free, Die young, Come again! (And again and again, if you’re of the female persuasion)

And courageously, I shall hopefully go forth into a new career of Stunt Blogging!

Pees, Little Faux Curse!!

I’m OUT

Mental Laxatives and Banal Lube (revisited)

8

These words (“mental laxatives” and “banal lube”) are two terms which I believe perfectly fit the — to use the parlance of our time — “culture of corruption”, which dominates our political system; especially here in the U.S. To be perfectly blunt, society is in DIRE NEED of both a “mental laxative” as well as some “banal lube” ! On the one hand, the extreme left has filled the minds of an entire generation with lies of such magnitude that calling it “shit” is actually a much needed moment of comic relief. There’s constipation of epic proportions, to say the least.

On the other hand … should we decide to continue to do nothing about it, we may as well lovingly grasp the proverbial pickle barrel which we have already been bent over and hope for a liberal application of the latter.

The banality of our political system is such that we have been mentally incapacitated to the point of almost absolute incoherence … and in our dazed slumber we have been bent over said pickle barrel. If you are not going to vote these fiends out of office then all I can say is that we — collectively — deserve our own 55 gallon drum of “Banal Lube.”

And remember kiddies, when it comes to being violated in such a manner …

Too much lube is almost enough.

* * *

If you agree with the above stated opinions, you might enjoy my review of president Obama’s inauguration speech.

You might be surprised to discover how blatant Mr. Obama was in warning us of the fast changes that were in store for us all.

However …

For those of you who cringe at my political leanings, please feel free to enjoy the following  …

But before we begin … is it just me, or do the that latest TV ads of Michael Phelps pimping a “munchie joint” like Subway strike you as the least bit “curious.”  I mean, yeah … of COURSE America’s newest pot-head is going to enjoy a fresh, toasty submarine sammich from Subway.

But anyhow ….

For your communist sympathizing wussies who cannot handle my political Rightness — or for those of you so masochistic that you came back to examine more of my semi-random brain droppings — I hope you enjoy my little preview (slash: aka “/”) teaser of my soon-to-be-published title:

Olympic Beer Belly Judging for Idiots

One cannot engage in Olympiad feats of beer drinking without the ensuing — dare I say, “ubiquitous” — beer belly.

Believe me, this is not an optional outcome … I am the founder, director, President and acting coach of the U.S. Olympic Beer Drinking team.

I know these things from first hand experience, okay?!

. . . so anyhow . . .

We professional beer drinkers have finally secured our rightful spot in the limelight that is the summertime Olympics. As such, it is only fitting that we begin planning now for the unavoidable eventuality that will be: The Olympic Beer Belly.

Alright, you may be wondering where this came from.

Am I wrong?

My dad and I first stumbled upon this idea while watching thousands of men pour into R.F.K. stadium for Washingotn D.C.’s first Promise Keepers rally.

We quickly realized that many of these men were quite like us: avid beer drinkers who were not ashamed of their prized afterthought of a possession: the Beer Belly.

After Pop pointed out the impressiveness of the beer bellies before us, I leaned over and asked, “Some of these men are obvious candidates for our Olympic beer drinking team, no?”

With the knowing look of an elder sage, he nodded in agreement.

It was at that moment that we began to draft the initial judging criteria.

You see … a beer belly, to be properly appreciated, must be viewed by standards greater than size alone. We finally agreed upon the following 3 elements:

1. Distance

2. Girth

and

3. Presentation.

* * *

Criteria One: Distance

Distance is a defining attribute of the perfect beer belly.

The distance of a beer belly is the horizontal distance as measured from the apex of said beer belly (the outer ring of the navel) to the outside skin of the spinal disk directly horizontal to the plane of said navel.

As such, a contestant with an excessively arched back will, most likely, be disqualified from entry into the games. In short, the straighter the spine, the greater overall protrusional distance.

disclaimer: while the word ‘protrusional’  does not show up in any legitimate dictionary, it  should still be adopted by the  International Olympic Committee as no other word succinctly describes the unit of measurement in question.

It is also this measurement that truly separates the fatties from the pro’s!

These are NOT beer bellies!

Quite frankly, any slob can eat and drink  him (or her) self stupid to the point of developing a rolling mound of body fat that simply hangs off the waistline of its wearer. A professional beer drinker, however, is a talented athlete and shows his pride with brilliant displays of masculinity such as a firm, properly developed and hard-earned beer belly.

Another integral aspect of distance is the overall proportion to the torso of the drinking athlete. The man pictured above, although slightly on the outside of the preferred age limits of Olympic level beer drinkers, is a model of exceptional distance.

* * *
.


Criteria Two: Girth

While the proud and hefty ladies pictured above certainly encompass almost any definition of girth, it is vital to remember that we are talking in terms of a sporting professional.

Girth, as implied by the name, and in most simplistic terms, is the circumference of the beer belly proper.

As is the case with Distance, Girth must also be judged on the proportion of said girth as it relates to the overall physical demeanor of the athlete him (or her) self.

It is the combination of Distance and Girth that quantifies the physical stature of a professional beer belly, however …

were it only physical dimensions that separated the Pro’s from the proverbial wanna-be “Ho’s” of the universe, it would be only these two measurements that would be of importance.

As such, it is the third criteria that fully qualifies and defines a professional, beer athlete to his (or her) fullest potential.

* * *

Presentation FAIL (asleep on the job)

Criteria Three: Presentation

Without doubt, the most significant aspect of any Olympic beer belly contestant is the matter of presentation.

As mentioned above, any slob can engage in a multi year binge of consumption and result in a belly of gargantuan proportions. However, it takes a skilled and disciplined athlete to create the perfect package.

The most significant ingredient in defining an Olympic quality beer belly is presentation.

I realize that I should have given you an example of Presentation instead of the picture shown above / to the right.

However …

We have entered a very, very subjective world whereby computer models and “textbook examples” dare not tread.

For example …

While the above pictured man surely shows promise in the way of distance, there is a still a major problem …

While the same, above pictured, example of obvious professional beer drinking prowess truly exemplifies any rational definition of girth, there is still a major problem …

An intense, undeniable lack of presentation.

Presentation, my friends, is EVERYTHING!

Take, for example, the following display of spectaculous beer belliness!

Distance: 3 (MAYBE a 4) …

Girth: 4 … ‘ish.

Presentation: 10.0 (at least)

See what I mean? Presentation makes up for a WORLD of evils!

. . .

However …

It must be said that presentation can, especially in some cases, severely backfire!

AM I WRONG?!?!?!?!

.

. .

. . .

. .

.

I thought not.

So, take your mental laxative …

Slather up a big, messy, guilt-ridden goop of banal lube …

and …

. . . always remember . . .

(until next time)

. . .

PEACE OFF!

Trojan Ponies! (?)

6

A cupla things … beyond the fact that Scott Brown did not even mention the GOP in his acceptance speech AND the fact that MA voters polled said they voted BECAUSE of Obama’s socialized health care “reform” … and only 5% support it!

First: yesterday’s blog was something known as “satire.” May not have been the best satirical piece ever, but it was satire all the same.

Next: I do not condone the use of marijuana. Not quite sure why it’s illegal … I mean, we have all these groups of people who truly ARE trying to control the way we act and think. If they’re so desperate for a docile, non-violent generation of people, why not legalize weed? Ever heard of a stoner (sans alcohol) beating his wife?

Last: (and yeah, I know  this makes this a few things in stead of “a couple”) the point was, the liberal blame game going on right now is every bit as ludicrous as blaming Obama for things that happened in the 70’s.

ANYHOW …

Since Obama and Pelosi  are certain to start  pushing hard to get their socialist Trojan Horse pushed through the gates, I think it only appropriate that we all need to learn …

How to Ride a Pony!

Click above to learn more!
(and laugh your ass off)

W.W.O.S.

5

Last week I revealed to the world my change in stance regarding global warming, and I promise we’ll come back to that before this blog’s over.

But in the meantime, I think it needful for me to retract some of the bile and venom that I’ve directed towards our Commander in Chief. Watching him stump for Coakley is Massachusetts while the rest of the world was mindlessly fixated on the pain and suffering in Haiti has given me cause to pause.

I mean, let’s face it: the major media outlets have been pumping that footage into our sight holes 24/7, all weekend long!

Obama, however, chose to stand by his dear personal friend and political ally, Martha Coakley. Now that’s friendship for ya!

And why shouldn’t he? He is a brilliant campaigner! I mean, isn’t that what being a “community organizer” is all about? And to THINK that my right wing extremist, tea-baggin’ buddies were once cynical about the qualifications a community organizer had to be the POTUS!

They clearly failed to to take into account the fact that he was also a Senator!

I’m already off point, though.

The immediate point being: surely there is nothing about Obama stumping for Coakley that could possibly have a single thing to do with some Leftist — how dare some say? — “Marxist” agenda.

Am I wrong???

. . .

The bigger point being: as I look back at the past year it’s impossible to not notice some of the conservative watchdog groups who have been deriding the Obama administration for playing the “blame game.”

As we look at the world around us, it really needs to be done with the past in mind. To learn how something has come to be, you HAVE to understand from whence it came.

I mean, take a look at the economy … we are literally bleeding out red ink like we never have in the history of this nation!

Unemployment has soared to the highest levels they’ve been in most young voters lifetimes!

We are facing deficits that have simply been heretofore unknown and in amounts so massive that the common man cannot fully wrap his brain around their enormity!

Detroit — in fact, the entire U.S. automotive industry — is against the ropes, taking what seems their last gasp of breath.

Banks are falling by the wayside … big banks, little banks, even one of the largest investment banking firms on the planet went, as some might say, tits up.

For whatever it’s worth, I really don’t endorse the use of that term. It’s really quite sexist.

BUT ANYHOW …

Think about the above financial ailments, though …

Lehman Brothers went under in September of 2008. Obama wasn’t even in office.

Well, tell me … what is one to think?

To dove-tail off a popular religious trend of recent years: W.W.O.S.

What Would Obama Say?

“We inherited this economy from the previous administration.”

Ahhhhhh … I see!

It’s G-Dub’s fault!

Yeahhhhh … come on, admit it … when you really look back at those 8 years, is it really all that hard to believe that The Dub didn’t have his moments of being Commander in Spleef?

That sure would explain a lot of things!

I mean, not that I’m making a big stink out of smoking the ol’ stink weed. I mean, the Chinese have been smoking weed for almost 5,000 years.

Of course, outside of fireworks, they’ve not really done a lot as a society …

Well, the O.C.D. thing definitely kicked into high gear … thus the Great Wall.

Or was that just paranoia?

Let’s try that again …

Hey, the Declaration of Independence was written on hemp paper!

Party on, James Madison!

But anyhow …

Since we’re on the subject of blame, and since marijuana is blamed for things such as lack of motivation, forgetfulness, etc. Let’s see IF there’s a chance that a stoned POTUS could possibly be caught “asleep behind the wheel.”

. . .

(ps: all the pics from here on out can be clicked on to view a larger version of the same image … for you “inquiring minds that want to know” …)

. . .

Barney Frank and his merry band of turd burglers engineered the whole sub-prime mortgage thing.

But under whose watchful eyes did they pull that off?

G-Dub!

Hmmm.

What about …

Wall Street ?

The collapse of Lehman Bro’s …

which, thusly, pushed AIG to the very ledge of failure …

Banks closing everywhere …

All of that happened under WHOSE WATCH?

G-Dub!

Yeah.

Are you trackin’ with me here yet?

. . .

What about …

Energy ?

The price of crude oil sky-rocketed to an unprecedented high of $147 per barrel in July of 2008.

In less than 8 short years, crude oil prices went from a steady average of LESS THAN $20 per barrel …

To an eye-watering, SEVENTY FOLD increase in price that absolutely crippled the average American with unbearably high gasoline prices.

Who stood to benefit from all of this?

Arabs, of course … but they’re just filthy, camel loving, Jihad happy, goat bumpers. We have goat bumpers here at home that SOME people would be happy to help see they got taken care of?

Who might I be referring to?

Where does American oil wealth reside?

Texas.

And who came from Texas?

(apart from Dick Cheney, the man obviously pulling the puppet’s strings)

Could it have been …

G-Dub!

Yeahhhhh …

making sense, isn’t it?

How about … oh, I dunno …

Teh Interwebs!

Walk with me, talk with me … let’s give this one a little thought.

Prior to the Clinton administration, the proliferation of malicious Trojan horse software and Worms was, for all intents and purpose, unheard of.

Internet porn?

Parents pretty much only had nothing much to worry about back in those older days of lore. Most predators were busy using the internet to find newly opened schools to stalk because kids weren’t on the computer.

SRSLY … there was actually a day when computers were VERY un-cool and were only used by insecure little geeks who had no life.

Look at the world today. In just the past decade, internet porn has become a mainstay industry, internet child predation has reached epidemic proportions …

This all happened WHEN?

The past decade!

Under whose watchful eye?

G-Dub!

Since we’re focusing on some of Al Gore’s more infamous inventions, let’s talk about …

GLOBAL WARMING!

To be really blunt about it, the weather was actually somewhat predictable and normal while under Clinton’s watch.

However …

Look back at just the past decade and tell me what’s been the REAL case?

Glacial melting …

* * *

Unprecedented numbers of …

Earthquakes!


(by inference we can deduce that Bush was responsible for Haiti last week too!)

Not to speak of the unprecented outbreaks of …

Tornado’s

as let us not forget …

Volcanic Eruptions!

and the intense seismic activity associated with these ever-increasing number if earthquakes and volcanic eruptions continues right up to today, January 2010. Go do a little news search on the number of volcanos that have sparked up in just the past month.

but anyhow …

In the past decade we’ve also witnessed …

Insane Wind Storms Sweeping Europe …

and, as all of us also know, the true toll to the weather in the fight with Global Warming has been the ubiquitous …

Hurricanes …

All this in the past decade, and under whose watchful eye?

President’s Bush & Bush in New Orleans immediately after Katrina

Yeah, another stoner moment.

It all makes sense to me now.

(told ya I’d get back to global warming!)

. . .

The News as Viewed Askew (January 15th, 2010)

17

So, there I was … it was a beautiful Saturday morning in a tranquil, nondescript corner of the broccoli forest. I arose from my slumber, ever so slowly rose myself to a seated position on the edge of the couch and stared at my dog, Sparky, for a few minutes. She was enthusiastically engaged licking herself.

But let’s not even go there …

So, I made my way up the stairs and attempted to rid myself of the taste of sewage and cigarettes from my mouth (the guys and I made a bit of a late night of it last night). At some point not terribly long thereafter I finally made my way to the office.

As is my habit, I took a little time this morning to peruse the news and what did my eyes spy?

That’s right, sports fans!

Grab your reality polarizing glasses …

… it’s time once again …

. . .

… to see the world through Buck’s eyes!

J’yup, that’s right, kiddies … it’s the long awaited return of the news as viewed askew, the on-again, off-again, randomly-something-monthly, episodic indulgences of news visitations that remind us:


This episode is dedicated to the mental midgets (the “ra’tards”, if you will) of this planet who’ve decided to “go there” with absolutely mind-numbingly inane displays of body modification.

The early 2010 candidate for “Most Retarded Tattoo EVER!” is this guy…

 

Yeah, so get this …

As it turns out, that video hit the internet barely a week ago and it has already garnered over a half million views. According to The Telegraph UK,

“The clip on video file sharing site YouTube has attracted almost 500,000 views since it was posted earlier this week, but some viewers have questioned whether the film is a hoax.”

My first reaction was, “A HOAX?!?!? Dude, look at the rest of bizarre ink that boy’s sporting all over his neck!”

Of course, as is often the case with me … {gasp} … I spoke too quickly.

As it turns out, the question of it being a hoax had more to do with the source of the video than whether or not someone was monumentally stupid enough to have a pair of Ray-Ban styled eyeglass frames eternally etched into their face.

You see, the video was posted by “Never Hide Films”, a production company formed by renowned sunglass manufacturer, Ray-Ban. The question is whether this was a “paid for” stunt for the sake of publicity.

Who cares? I don’t.

I mean, seriously, what’s worse … getting paid to get ink, or getting paid to do THIS:

[twitch]

That ain’t riiiiiiiiiiiiiiight!

On a closing note, I do want to say that I think some tattoos are friggin’ AWESOME. I mean, take this one for example:

Seriously, is that not downright:

So anyhow … did you hear that the manager of Blackrock World Gold mutual fund, Graham Birch, quit his job and decided to become a dairy farmer?

This has absolutely nothing to do with the last video … or one can only hope … but anyhow …

I only mention that because it’s important to not get caught up in the bullshit and hype of the media, etc. The very fact that you see morons like Gordon “the Jurassic spy” Liddy taking money yo make a commercial telling you that NOW is the time to buy gold is EXACTLY the reason you want to do just the opposite. If something, especially as it relates to investing, makes it onto the cover of magazines or TV commercials, I can assure you that it’s too late.

Just ask the people who jumped in to crude oil futures in mid 2008 when oil reached an all-time high of $147 per barrel. Remember all the “experts” and talking heads on the T.V. who were calling for $300/bbl oil? Yeah, I read tons of the same nonsense in a lot of the financial publications too. Remember, just a mere year ago crude got down to $30.

And I have NO idea where I was going with this, so just let’s move on, shall we?

I really was in the mood to do a news thang today, but it’s just not working out very well. So, since this was an otherwise boring week …

… unless you’re a geek like me and enjoyed some of the spectacular photography of the annular eclipse on Thursday, that made it almost a newsworthy week. Well, that, and the unimaginable number of volcanic eruptions and earth quakes. You gotta admit, that’s a touch disturbing.

Oh, that and the cocaine they found in the space shuttle hangar.  WTF is that all about? Re we running some sort of interplanetary drug ring now or what?

Obama … sheesh.

The other day I was enjoying a few tasty beverages and a few rounds of Golden Tee during happy hour at Spanky’s with Mikey, Jim and Possum.

Mikey (the good man who directed us to the ninja parade video the other day) was – yet AGAIN – re-telling a particular episode from our days when we played pool almost 7 days a week. He was blathering on about a bunch of nonsense about all sorts of goofy things, to include — but not limited to — half of the first floor of a hotel being flooded.

During his retelling of said episode he made the comment, “he had enough to drink to kill TWO people!”

I raised my finger to interrupt at that point and interjected with, “Well … I don’t know about two humans, but a sickly horse? … Yeah, probably.”

You must be wondering where I’m going with this.

Believe it or not, that little anecdotal story was my way of getting you primed to be surprised.

Buck Believes in Global Warming!

That’s right. Believe it or not, despite all of Al Gore’s hot air and unfathomably stupid remarks and claims, I have finally fallen to the dark side and have embraced the TRUTH about Global Warming.

As many of you know, I have been an ardent believer in the cause of the environment. Granted, I’ve been more than a little critical of Greenpeace and certain other radical kooks out there, but I’ve always been four square against this whole idea of global warming.

So, what, you may ask, has brought about such a drastic change?

Well, to a lesser extent, there was the matter of the thermal, color-enhanced satellite photo I shared with you the other day. The more I reflected back on that image the more it occurred to me that all of the extreme weather most of us in the northern hemisphere in recent weeks is probably due to the extreme rise in surface temperatures within the arctic circle.

But something even more intense than that has been the fact that I am now a first hand witness to the horrifically fast-paced melting of the greater Loudoun glacier.

Even before the invention of mankind and beer … one might even be safe in saying since the dawn of time … the world has been graced with the beauty and grandeur that is …

The Greater Loudoun Glacier

(artist’s impression of the Greater Loudoun glacier, circa July 2009)

In just the past month alone I have been witness to a series of bizarre events that have lead me to believe that Al Gore is, right …

Man-bear-pig is truly amongst us!

Granted, I personally have not yet witnessed a real man-bear-pig, but give me a few moments to elaborate before judging me.

For starters, look at what one week has reduced the Greater Loudoun county glacier to:

SRSLY! That’s not good … heck, that’s downright bad!

Here, check out this close-up:

See that “salt line” that’s more than a foot away from what’s left of our once great and monumental glacier? That happened just between Monday and Wednesday of this past week!

But that’s not all …

A few mere weeks ago, my friend, Mike Rez, was attacked and was almost brutally eaten alive by a snow shark!

Now, I know you might think I’m being a little melodramatic when I say something like, “and almost brutally eaten alive” but it’s the TRUTH!

“Dumufuggijn TROOF” I tell ya!

Just as the snow shark (Larry’s his name, in case you were wondering) was broaching the snow-line, I caught a glint of movement in my peripheral vision.

It all happened faster than I could focus, but from the east side of the Shack there was a flesh-toned blur dashing across the snow. As I shifted my vision to towards the right, the flesh -toned blur then leapt into the air, barreling towards Larry (he’s the snow shark, just in case you missed that earlier)

Right before my very eyes was a surprise visitation by one of the most elusive and rarely witnessed animals known to man … mere seconds before he rammed headlong into the snout of the snow shark …

It was …

SNOW PIG!


Snow Pig to the rescuuuuuuue!

Now, before you get all hysterical and start demanding action from the Dictator in Chief, Barack Obama, and his merry band of communists that we know as the United Nations, let me clue you in on a little secret …

These last few pages have had absolutely nothing to do with the news. I’m just making this shit up to kill a little time.

Come on, you actually believe in global warming, the internet and man-bear-pig?

Sheesh … what, are you a moron?!?

I mean, seriously, the world is weird enough already

Oh holy crap … I’m missing the Cardinals / Saints game! I gotta go.

Have a great weekend, boys and girls.

Bundle up, stay warm, don’t work up too rough of a hangover on this beautiful holiday weekend and until next time …

PEACE OFF [FAUX CURSE] !


“Larry” the SnowShark is a creation and the intellectual property of SharkBait Media Productions. Thanks to Mike Rezabek for leasing him to us!

Missing: Snow Cow!

6

Well, if you live in the mid-Atlantic, we had quite the weekend, did we not???

Granted, our friends from the hinterlands (Canadia, Wisconsin, et al) wouldn’t consider 21″ of accumulated snow to be all that problematic, BUT …

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Shifting the weight … grabbin’ some traction!

You need to understand that the Virginia Dept. of Transportation recruits their snow removal employees from the ranks of Wal-Mart greeters.

If you live in a part of the world where there is no such thing as Wal-Mart then … well, how do I put this delicately? …

I was going to place an image here, but it began to occur to me that such might be a little over the top so let’s just wrap this up with a quick word picture instead.

Fetal Alcohol Syndrome.

That said,  suffice it to say that the roadways around here are still in pretty rough shape. I HOPE to be able to get the old Buck’mobile back into the neighborhood before Christmas.

~ ~ ~

So, beyond the “Great Christmas Blizzard of ’09” what else happened in the world this weekend?

Well, for starters, it appears that the authorities in the UK are on hunt for this man …

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Uh, yeah … it IS what it appears to be. A man secretly stalked a female employee who, I assume, was … shall we say … more than mildly odoriferous. I mean, maybe there was a little early mornin’ lovin’ and not enough time for a shower, who knows … but to have a strange man stalk about, pretending to be looking at prices and/or ingredients whilst she stocks shelves.

Full article here.

More than a lil’ creepy, huh?

I mean, at least this guy’s not being sneaky about it!

PantySniffer

~ ~ ~

What else?

Oh, holy crap … did you catch THIS one?

The executive director of Greenpeace, held up a document and proclaimed: “This is the single most important piece of paper in the world today!”

What was that single “most important piece of paper” in the world … today?

An alarmist UN “press release” intended to create a sense of panic and immediacy. It’s really starting to piss me off the way the UN and the current Administration here in the U.S. are so fixated on forcing things into place, regardless of the consequences.

But that’s another blog for one of my other blog pages …

~ ~ ~

Amy Winehouse strikes again!

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The U.K.’s own progeny of Israelite met a camel and procreated decided to visit a local theater in Milton Keynes, Bucks. That’s somewhere in the U.K. … I just thought it was sort of nifty that it carried my name! :o)

Anyhow … for reasons that continue to baffle me, the iconic Back to Black singer, went to a local production of the play Cinderella. One could probably be rather safe in assuming that she was more than mildly under the influence.

How could one be so judgmental?

Imagine the shock and horror of the children and parents in attendance (allegedly) heard Miss Winehouse blurting out things like, “He’s right f*@&ing behind you!”

Better still, how about this line: “Fuck Cinders, Prince Charming, marry me!”

While being confronted by theater staff, she also allegedly yelled out to the Ugly Sisters, calling them, “bitches!”

Simon Cowell seems downright congenial by comparison, huh?

~ ~ ~

Onto matters upon my own shores …

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Seems the Obama administration continued with their frenzied push of an arbitrary deadline for this so-called “health care reform” bill of theirs. God damn, that one really pisses me off … mostly because they’ve NOT ALLOWED hardly anybody access to the now more than 2,000 pages. How the hell is ANYONE supposed to vote on something they know nothing about …

Well, okay … I think that’s the status quo on Capitol Hill, but anyhow …

~ ~ ~

Here’s one that caught me mildly off guard. Do you know what one of the most common “injuries” are handled in emergency rooms during the Christmas season (apart from oven burns and people who choke on food) ? ? ?

People whose eyeballs are dried out as a result of sleeping with eyes open after excess alcohol consumption.

Don’t get me wrong here. I mean, I’ve had my periods of life where calling me an Olympic caliber beer drinking was an understatement in itself, but I do not recall ever getting so passed-out smashed that I slept with my eyes open.

Wow …

~ ~ ~

Ah, I forgot to congratulate the Dallas Cowboys for being the first team to come our ahead of the heretofore undefeated New Orleans Saints. I tried watching the game, but I was “secretly” hoping the Saints would win, but if not, I’d at least hoped for a close game.

Neither turned out to be the case, but at least we got a little treat or two along the way …

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Well, sports fans, speaking of said Spousal Unit, she should be here any minute now to alight me from my wonderful place of employment and off into the wild, cold yonder. Hopefully I’ll ultimately find myself before a Golden Tee machine before the afternoon is through.

Oh, for those of you who’ve not been bored to stitches with my Golden Tee great shot moments over on Facebook, here’s a line-up of some of my nicest shots of the year.

I hope to post another blog or two before the holiday weekend arrives.

Until next we see each other again … remember …

SNOW COW IS WATCHING YOU …

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PEACE OFF, FAUX CURSE!!!

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